So.
I have this friend, Minelle.
She is rather a stubborn lady. She is sweet and loving and all of that, but she worries about everything and refuses to take time to rest and care for herself.
Hands up, anyone who agrees. I thought so.
Thankfully, the prayers and good thoughts are helping and her husband has shown his first signs of improvement since the surgery. Praise be!
However. As I have been passing along updates, some of us have commented how much Minelle needs a spanking to make her stop running around and helping everyone else. I mean, really.
I suggested that we take up a collection to buy her a paddle. Ami said only if it’s a pink leather one. Lillie said sure, where do we send the money? Cat said do what you can, but I know that Minelle can be hardheaded in not taking care of herself.
So I chatted with Little Miss Stubborn this morning.
A: You think I’m kidding about the paddle, don’t you?
M: It’s hilarious! You’ve even got people talking about what kinds?
A: Don’t try to worm your way out of this one, missy. Have you gotten any sleep?
M: But (lots of excuses followed by a laugh)
A: You’ll only laugh until the package arrives on your doorstep.
M: Oh my gosh, can you imagine?
A: That’s what we have to do. You know, the…*starting to laugh*
M: What?
A: (laughing)
M: What what what?
A: The harder the head, the more you need to spank.
M: OMG! I can’t believe you said that! You HAVE to tell Celeste and Renee that you said that!
A: Huh? Why…?
M: Tell them you said that, or I’m going to tell them.
A: That you’re hardheaded?
M: Just tell them!
A: Um, okay.
M: It’s so funny when we start to say one thing and it comes out sounding like something else.
(Pause.)
A: Wait. Did that have another meaning?
M: ANA! You didn’t mean it that way?
A: Um. What way? I was just surprised that you didn’t shriek at me saying you were hardheaded. And needed a spanking.
M: Ana, I am NOT explaining this one.
(Pause.)
A: It’s something sexual, isn’t it?
M: Yes. It is.
A: You remember who you’re talking to, right?
M: I said I’m NOT explaining this one!
End conclusion: Minelle needs a spanking.
So. We’re taking up a collection. A la Kickstarter, we will offer incentives to everyone who contributes to Minelle’s Paddle of Doom, to be featured prominently in my upcoming release, Minelle’s Great BDSM Adventure. If you contribute to the Minelle’s Paddle of Doom fund, here is what you will receive:
- $1: A commemorative postcard
- $5: A handwritten thank you note signed by Minelle
- $10: An 8×10 frame-able commemorative thank you certificate
- $25: A personal phone call from Minelle to thank you for helping her to be a good girl
- $50 and over: A compromising photograph of Minelle standing in the corner after her paddling
Time is limited, so sign up now! We want to make sure that Minelle gets the care that she so desperately needs.
*Please note that if this blog goes silent for a few days, it is because Ana has disappeared under the Wrath of Minelle. I hope it’s less severe than the Wrath of Khan.
Can several people go together for the photo and then share it amongst themselves?
Now now, no cheating. One photo per person. If people band together to raise the $50, then the photo can go to *one* of those people. Pirating hurts all of us.
Maybe we can have Minelle’s Paddle Bake Sale to raise money. I’ll make no bake cookies.
What a great idea! Just remember that it’s only ONE photo for ONE person, so as long as people are okay with that.
And wouldn’t that technically be Minelle’s Paddle No Bake Sale?
What about several people sharing the photo but you cut it up into equal pieces like a puzzle and each person gets a piece,..so to speak.
LOL! How will you settle arguments over who gets which piece?
Just to be clear, as much as I love Minelle, and I’m sure she has a shapely and spankable rear, I’m not too interested in owning a picture of her bare butt. However, I do like the idea that there should be a picture somewhere (maybe tucked into her husband’s wallet) to commemorate the event.
As you say, times are hard in this economy, and $50 is a lot of money.
I love the bake sale idea! You could shape the cookies into tiny paddles to commemorate the (future) occasion. Take and breaks are not too hard to work with, Celeste. Good Luck! hehehe
What are take and breaks?
Maybe you can raise money with a swat-a-thon, Katie. You can raise money by taking so many cents per swat.
awesome! I’m in
Take and break cookies? They are the big rectangular mass of cookie dough, that you break apart, and pop into the oven. It is really the only way I can bake.
Okay all I heard was hard and head! So I was confused by miss innocent Ana when she started laughing at her comment. I was actually floored going into naughty territory!
Sunny herself offered to send a paddle to help my Scotsman better too! I think there is a conspiracy a foot. I’m too well behaved to need much!
See I am sitting down just now reading!
And all I’m hearing is that you hope the donations come in small enough amounts that we won’t have to distribute a truckload of compromising photos. This time.
You must be doing better if you can joke around.
Your husband will have an entire assortment of paddles for when he is better.
Maybe you should have been sleeping instead of reading blogs Minelle. Your Scotsman definitely has his work cut out for him when he recovers.
What what? Minelle was sneaking around when she was supposed to be resting? Grr, that girl…
I will contribute, and just need to know how to send in my donation…..also, I don’t need to receive anything, just knowing Minelle is getting the spanking she needs is good. If I double down, can I get Ana spanked as well?
hugs
Please call 1-800-SWAT-MIN. Operators are standing by and will take all major credit cards, as long as your HoH approves.
Please please please don’t double down. I am sure Ian wants you to be prudent with your money.
Double down double downed! Poor poor Minelle…innocent as a dove.
All this writing happened during a lunch break right?
Need we talk more about who needs to be spanked and NO, it is not me!
LOL! Susie, did you have some happy cough syrup today or something? You sound giddy. LOL!
And um…yeah. Lunch break. That’s right. Lunch break. Yes.
Sadly, Ana has managed to distract all of you by shoving poor Minelle to the front. It is Ana who is in dire need of a spanking, and she knows it, which is why all the subterfuge. Please see through this, fellow spankers. Please.
Jade…aw, c’mon. Don’t I get a break for one day? What does it take? Do I have to send chocolates and roses?
No…
And that’s a start. Muuuaaahhh!
Giggle. Chocolates and roses headed your way.
I agree!!!
Of course you do, dear.
No no no…everyone can NOT be on Minelle’s side!
Minelle definitely needs a spanking to learn how to take care of herself while her Scotsman is out of commission.
I will be more than happy to contribute to the paddle fund – pink sounds lovely but red sounds even better – then her hubby can compare colors and make sure he gets the shade ‘just right’!.
I’ll also be very happy to bake some cookies in the shape of paddles for the bake sale.
Just tell me where to send everything.
Absolutely, Cat! So great that you’re on it. Contact Celeste about the bake sale, or no bake sale, and call 1-800-SWAT-MIN with your credit card ready. I couldn’t agree more about the red, but can you convince Ami? She says she’ll only do a paddle if it’s pink leather.
Um, I just talked to Minelle…and I think she may be dipping into her husband’s meds. I asked how he was doing and….
um…
she said “It’s 8 inches in circumference”.
The infection. lol
That other…..8 inches….ahem….not saying anymore.
OMG you two! *sighs* And *SUSIE* was worried about her comment.
Anastasia has given everyone the wrong 800 number. It’s really 1-800-SWAT-ANA. But yes, operators are standing by. I hear Mrs. Claus runs the call center during the off season.
Oh, Cara. I thought we were friends.
I thought Mrs. Claus set up two numbers 1-800-SWAT-ANA which has been around for a very long time and 1-800-SWAT-MIN which is a new number and very much needed also – at least until her Scotsman is totally recovered and can take over.
Oh no no no…this is about MINELLE. Not me. *sigh*
Please don’t say Mrs. C’s name. I was hoping for a good ten months before I’d have to worry about that old bat…er I mean that sweet kind lady who will show me kindness and affection.
We are ALL your friends, Ana. We are your HONEST friends.
*sigh*
Couldn’t you be a little less honest?
Mrs. Claus called. She says. “Someone please spank Ana already … I can’t answer one more phone call.” yeesh Ana I tried to hold her off…but I think Mrs. Claus is coming over.
-winks-
Penny
Ack! No no no!!! I’m moving!