Today Governing Ana is proud to host Korey Mae Johnson for Monday Morning Fika*! On select Mondays, we will sit down with an author or figure of the ttwd community to chat about topics such as books, love, electronic readers, and even biting! Please welcome Korey. Note: Fika appears on Saturday this week due to the Spank or Treat Festivities on Monday.
*”Fika” is a Swedish term for enjoying coffee, tea, and sweets over conversation with friends. It is a sacred tradition in many families, friends, and even workplaces, and it offers a chance to chat informally on a number of topics. While “Fika” may refer specifically to the coffee, in practice it refers to the moment of community. In this hectic world, it is nice to take a moment to stop, pause, and savor time getting to know a little more about each other.
I’ve gone back and forth with myself for years about spanking, and whether or not the nature of it was essentially erotic. After all, it does seem pretty weird that spanking gets lumped into the ‘erotic’ section of Amazon, B&N, and other booksellers, simply because it’s viewed to be part of the BDSM scene. This is really too bad, since a lot of readers do not think, and do not like it insinuated, that what they’re reading is just smut. They have their reasons why they like reading it, and it’s not just to get off!
The funny thing is, whether or not a spanking book’s got content that’s meant to arouse the reader, it’s still sold as ‘erotic literature’ anyway.
The argument is this: One side says that there are many different kinds of spanking, but spankings aren’t all sexual. There is such a thing as disciplinary non-sexual spanking. The other side says that’s all a load of bull. It’s all sexual.
Honestly, if you go into a BDSM group trying to say that “I want to read about punishment spankings, or I want discipline from my partner, but I don’t view it as sexual,” their eyes are going to glaze, and they’re going to shake their heads and say how cutely naïve you are.
James and I went to a spanking party, and this topic came up during a conversation with a man who had frequented ‘dungeons’ for the last twenty-five years and knew what was what about the BDSM world. One thing he did not understand, even scoffed at a little, was the concept of “domestic discipline”. In fact, he scoffed at using spanking as a punishment at all!
And he wasn’t alone. This is a very common belief in the BDSM world, because they don’t understand how anyone could enjoy the concept of spanking but not like being spanked or actually giving the spanking.
“I… I really don’t like pain,” I assured him, even though he had just caned my ass in front of fifty or more people. The caning had stung, but it was nothing like the real discipline spankings I’ve gotten from James in the past. This was, of course, because I don’t like the pain and I jump and yelp and my carrying on had led him to be pretty gentle with the cane.
He winked, thinking I was being cute.
“No, no, she really, really doesn’t like discipline spankings,” my husband, James, assured him. “You don’t understand disciplinary spankings. They’re something different! They work. I rarely have to spank her anymore for discipline because it actually improves her behavior.”
The dungeon-guru nodded and said, “Well, how I punish my sub is by not spanking her. I ignore her when she’s being bad. Spanking is what they want, you know? She likes spanking,” he assured, pointing at me.
Although James liked this guy very much, an expression still crossed James’ face that he could not keep back. It was the expression he normally reserves for lesser mammals, college hippies, and my parents: exasperation with just a sprinkle of pity. It was interesting that both people in this conversation obviously thought the other one had no clue what they were talking about, but both wanted to be nice about it.
I was blushing profusely, of course. I imagined James ignoring me—ever. It sent shivers down my spine. I couldn’t even fathom James turning on the silent treatment every time I did something wrong! It just didn’t seem healthy to me.
Spanking has always excited me, but I don’t like discipline spankings. James doesn’t just flick his wrist and warm me up, he spanks hard. He’s bought me comfortable wrist cuffs to use on the rare occasions when I do get a discipline spanking. The cuffs are not because he can’t hold me in place over his knee without them; rather we use them so that I don’t accidentally pop my arm out of my socket while struggling. A real spanking hurts, and there’s no escape from it.
But still, James’ discipline spankings, looking back on them (never while I’m getting them), always feel like a warm cocoon. It’s a promise that James isn’t just going to give me what I want. He’s going to do something harder: he’s going to give me what I need to be a better person, and a better wife, and that’s all I want to be!
The dungeon-guru assured us that we were wrong, or we were delusional (in a very nice way), and that it’s not possible to use it as a relationship-building technique. Domestic discipline might have existed once in the world, but it didn’t any longer, as far as he was concerned.
We waited another three hours until I found out what he was talking about. I met wives that were in ‘domestic discipline relationships’, but they were bratting the hell out of their husbands, or worse—their husbands enjoyed dishing out pain. James had to yay or nay what implements were used on me, because there were a lot of sadists there, and I am by no means a masochist.
So I was sitting there at breakfast the next morning with James, saying, “I think I get something different out of spanking than a lot of people in general.”
So here’s my argument: I think what charges a lot of spanking-fiction readers isn’t the erotic aspects of spanking. Something else is charging the fascination with spanking, something there’s not a word for.
For my own part, I can’t deny that spanking has elements within it that are actually erotic to me. Being dominated is huge to me during sex. Humiliation’s a turn-on for me if the situation’s done right. At spanking parties, I just like being the center of attention for once, which is what I’m rewarded with through a spanking; I also like the praise, and the fact that people are looking at my ass and liking what they see.
James agreed. He said he had a sadistic side and seeing a girl yelp and cry because “she was naughty” was a turn on. James is a situational fantasy man. “But with you… I can’t stand hurting my honey-bunny!” That’s me. “As soon as you go into ‘sad-flower’ mode, spanking stops being arousing and starts being ‘business’.”
So I pondered. If I don’t get sexual excitement from spankings, then what do I get out of them? It isn’t quite that cuddly-warm feeling I get when I’m sitting on James’ lap and getting snuggled, but I had a feeling that what I liked about spanking was closer to that than to something sexual.
I feel that spanking is what a lot of spanking fiction readers yearn for, the same way they yearn for the embrace in the arms of their hero or direction from their leader. It’s primal. It’s almost like the kiss at the end of a romantic movie—it’s a couple’s happily ever after! After all, if domestic discipline works like it should, then the marriage will be happy. The man tries to do right by his wife and holds himself up to higher standards, and he corrects the wife for wrong-doings.
I remember before I met my husband face-to-face, we were discussing what we wanted in a domestic discipline relationship and decided that thick-or-thin, this is what we were going to do. We arranged our ‘marriage’ with this in mind. “If we hit it off,” we were telling each other, “then we’re gonna go all the way.”
It’s worked for over five years so far.
Besides, it’s easy for me to argue that spanking, for many of us, at least began ‘clean’. I can’t tell you how many people like me started out with an interest (nigh obsession) with spanking from a very young age, even as toddlers.
My own interest dates back to my earliest memories at two-and-a-half. A kid that age does not have sexual thoughts. So, spanking couldn’t have been sexual back then. I guess I liked spanking for the same reason people like horror movies—it excited me, it made me nervous, it frightened me. My brain craved that sort of stimulation. I’ve been writing spanking fiction since I was five, and hiding it from my parents, and that fiction didn’t show one thing that BDSMers claim has to be in a spanking interest: even the slightest hint of anything sexual.
I didn’t even figure out that spanking could be sexual until I was around thirteen. I went into puberty at nine, so I assure you that I didn’t have this eureka moment because ‘everything was beginning to seem sexual’. I had been writing and drawing sexual erotica, too, since I was nine (again hiding it from my parents). This new discovery came far, far later on.
The sex the characters would have would turn me on, but the spanking I just enjoyed like one might enjoy their favorite snack.
In short, I was excited, but it’s not like it excited me in the same way porn does. It was a different sort of excitement; the type I’ve never seen science pin a name on.
The type of excitement I’m talking about hits your system like a drug.
For example: the spanking party really got interesting for me when Dana Specht came on to do her presentation, “How to Scold”. Tons of some of the best roleplay and the best scolding I’ve ever seen anywhere. Including fiction. She opened my eyes to all the potential F/f spanking held!
A lot of these people don’t even react during a spanking, you see. What nerves they had in their asses have been spanked away long ago. It didn’t matter with Dana. She carried these scenes. She was so dominant, so confident, so amazing, that I don’t think I blinked the entire hour. She could actually make these people embarrassed, even if they couldn’t feel pain anymore. It was scrumptious.
I realized it was the scolding and the situation that was really setting Dana apart from the others. This is what I enjoyed. This was my brain-candy. This is what made my stomach turn into knots and put a blush on my cheeks. I felt like I was a kid again, watching a friend getting spanked. I was excited; my heart was racing.
But I wasn’t horny. I didn’t go right back to my room and masturbate or even have sex with my husband. We went out and ate lunch right after, trying to get a grip on ourselves. We were shaking with excitement and giggling to each other like naughty school children. It felt like we were charged with electricity or something!
When writing and reading spanking stories, that’s what I’m looking for. The buzz, the rush! I’m not usually looking for something to actually arouse me sexually. I watch porn videos if I want to get horny, I read spanking books when I want my “electric rush” with a mix of “romantic yearning”.
For example, I love a good build up. I love the main character to deserve it. I like to read non-consensual spankings. I like the hero feeling that a spanking is for her own good. I like him to make it embarrassing, I like scolding, I like that relationship to continue to form as the spanking is going on, or any subsequent punishment like mouth-soaping or even anal-punishment.
I’ve been working with spanking for years, day in, day out, all day. I built Blushing Books’ site, worked with ABCD Webmasters (Blushing Books, Bethany’s Woodshed) for 4 years before this month—it takes a lot to get me ‘buzzing’. Other girls might just need a swat to the jeans.
Other girls just like a man in charge, like they were watching a movie from the 1930s, spankings included, and they get much more of that urge to read romantic yearning than they worry about the ‘nameless excitement’ that I’ve tried to describe.
Any way you look at it, we’re all trying to grasp that something that’s hitting more than just our animal instincts, here. If some ass-slapping for fifteen minutes was all we wanted, we know where to find it, and it’s not normally in whole books. A free short story from literotica is all you need if you just want to get “in the mood”.
No, with spanking novellas and novels it takes someone who has at least touched on this nameless excitement, and likes dwelling in it for some amount of time. Is it always sexual? No. Do some of these books even count as erotica? We could argue not. But do all of these have the nature of this yearning we have inside of them? Oh yes. Nameless excitement, we’re under your spell.
About Korey Mae Johnson
One spell that was cast on Korey years ago was from her husband James, who’s somehow made her obsessed with him, and he shares her fascination with all things spanking. Recently, she left Blushing Books and now co-owns “Stormy Night Publications” with her husband, hoping to help bring more top-quality spanking literature to all naughty folk everywhere.
She can’t carve pumpkins, but she can write otherworldly stories full of discipline that are even a little dark, like Otherworldly Discipline: A Witch’s Lesson which Blushing Books is releasing this week for the pleasure of those who like bratty witches who can’t seem to do what they’re told.