Kerflummoxed by Spanking in the Real World & Corrupt or Sanctify?

Spanking in the real world?

Wait, *is* there a world that is more real than the spanking universe?  😉

Celeste wrote about the mix between her real world and spanking world, and naughty Sue mentioned being horribly embarrassed by (but secretly loving) a first-grade birthday spanking ritual by her teacher.

SUE:  Actually, when someone had a birthday, the whole class would sing, and then count “One…two…three” as the teacher spanked you…lightly. It was all in fun…but d*mn if it didn’t embarrass the h*ll out of me!

ANA: Wow, it is hard to imagine any teacher in any school not getting into huge trouble for doing that now.   Did it embarrass you because you secretly liked it? I always got kerflummoxed by any spanking or mention of it in the vanilla world because I had to pretend not to be interested.

SUE:  Of course I secretly liked it:) And I was certain everyone watching knew what I was thinking! I thought I was so cool, spending the whole year watching everyone else get their spankings and figured the teacher would ignore summer birthdays.

ANA: Now of course I MUST know if the teacher did a “summer birthday roundup” to make sure you got yours. Summer kids always got cheated out of school birthday things.

SUE:  The only other kid with a summer birthday was absent that day…so it was just poor me.

Am I the only one to be instantly transported to a fantasy-world of play birthday spankings where little-girl Sue blushes bright red as her teacher gives her the attention she longs for but can’t admit to wanting?  Just a sweet little play-spank to celebrate a birthday with everyone singing to you…it sounds like something Natalie would remember from childhood.  🙂

To put this in perspective, Sue has stated that her goal in life is to corrupt me (because I don’t write sex scenes).  I was going to say that my goal was to sanctify her (ok, *you* think of a better antonym for “corrupt”), but it looks like I already have.

Yesterday at a meeting, two people presented on their research.  As part of the research, two of the participants talked about spanking.  I can’t remember exactly what or why, but it was not about consensual adult spanking.  It may have been a joke.  I’m not sure because then it became part of the discussion with the audience, and I had to sit there pretending that I don’t secretly write about spanking.  Luckily I had my laptop out as usual so I could busily pretend to be taking notes.  I became *very* interested in the font and font size of my class notes because I had to focus on anything besides the topic!  I share almost nothing about my personal life in a professional sphere (though professional setting in the spanking blogosphere is quite different), and if people know anything about me they would only know that I love cooking and children (NOT cooking children!) and the topic of my research.

Have you ever been kerflummoxed about a “real-world” (i.e. vanilla world) reference to spanking?

Also, do I have any supporters in trying to sanctify Sue?  lol…if you want to corrupt me, go ahead and try.  😀  Are you Team Sue or Team Ana?

P.S.  I see that Sue has shamelessly resorted to offering cookies in exchange for votes.  Well…I don’t have anything to offer, but I’m going to tell Mrs. Claus that Sue is engaging in voter fraud.  😉

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54 thoughts on “Kerflummoxed by Spanking in the Real World & Corrupt or Sanctify?

  1. reneeroseauthor says:

    Okay, funny how this topic came up today because I was just pondering it while I made breakfast this morning. I was thinking about Jade’s comment on my blog about how the Outlander spanking was totally fair. (I had said I didn’t like it but it might have been related to my own shame around reading a spanking in a mainstream novel). I think that is a big part of it– to feel excited about something that shouldn’t be exciting is kerflummoxing. Just a few days ago a friend was telling my mom and husband about getting paddled in school. Of course my husband says, “does RR know this?” which made me want to shoot him! And I just wanted her to STOP the story! I can’t comfortably handle it out of the sexual context, because I feel sexually about it. I think it’s okay in a book that acknowledges it’s spanking fiction because it’s meant to titallate– does that make sense? I could go on and on here. maybe I should make my own post…

    Like

    • Ana says:

      That’s it…being excited about something that shouldn’t be exciting, or at least in vanilla world we are expected not to be excited about it.

      Post! 😀

      I agree that spanking fiction is titillating, or at least many kinds of it can be. What I’d like to see is acknowledgment that not all spanking fiction must be written specifically to titillate. Now I know you can enjoy ANY spanking scene in that way…LOL!…but there should also be room for those of us who love the intimacy, connection, and power dynamics more than any physical or sexual titillation.

      Like

      • reneeroseauthor says:

        Absolutely I agree spanking fiction doesn’t have to be written to titallate and can be about all those other wonderful things. But knowing it was MEANT to be spanking fiction would allow me to read it without feeling uncomfortable.

        Like

        • Ana says:

          Well…there is genuine, honest enjoyment in titillation and I don’t mean to decry that. It’s all good…I just want from for the other stuff, too.

          Isn’t that what some of the non-con appeal is for you? That it’s written as spanking fiction so you’re okay with it but the non-con has that same tingly feeling as if it were a vanilla reference?

          Like

          • jadecary says:

            I actually find a spanking scene or threat in a mainstream novel MORE titillating because it’s unexpected, and spanking is NOT what the book is about. You KNOW in spanking fiction that you’ll get spanking.

            Like

      • jadecary says:

        but there should also be room for those of us who love the intimacy, connection, and power dynamics more than any physical or sexual titillation.

        Ana, I think that connection and intimacy IS titillating.

        Like

        • Ana says:

          Absolutely. It’s a hard thing to define, isn’t it? I mean do I thoroughly enjoy reading about it? Yes! Do I mind that people will find it titillating to read what I write? Not at all if they buy my book. 🙂 But I don’t want to have to be told that I *must* write with the intention of titillating writers. I want to write a good story. Leave me alone about the rest. 😛

          And oh yes, that connection/intimacy/power dynamic (sometimes even a head game) really really really pushes all the right buttons for me. I love it. I love to write about it and always wish I could better capture that moment.

          Like

  2. playful says:

    This is funny. I remember one time when I was younger, and at summer camp, they had this huuuuge paddle and if it was your birthday, you’d get a swat with it.. in front of everyone. I remember sitting there watching when it happened a few times, and i’m sure I was bright red.

    Like

  3. jadecary says:

    Team Sue.

    I am becoming LESS flummoxed in my old age, the more comfortable I become flying my Freak Flag. When I was a kid I was able to compartmentalize pretty well. I was horrified about real spankings, especially if there was a chance I might get one publically, or from someone other than my mom or dad. Even a tongue-in-cheek threat from a close family friend had me so upset I called my mom to pick me up from a weekend with the woman and her kids–and this was a woman I trusted as much as I trusted my own mother. Yet, seeing a spanking on TV, or seeing another kid get spanked was a whole ‘nuther thing entirely. And when I was older and began fantasizing, THAT was another dimension.

    The whole spanking thing comes out in my Vanilla Puddin’ world all the time. A girlfriend will tell me her husband gave her a smack on the ass for something, and I KNOW they don’t practice DD at all. The dad of a friend of my youngest went into detail about swats he received from his coach in high school. When he said the words ‘bare bottom’ I convulsed. But I played it cool. People talk about it all the time with a freedom that tells me it is NOT part of their current life. They speak of it with detatchment. Even my love will talk about childhood punishments in Catholic school or at home with deteachment, while I’m trying to picture it all.

    We were at a party at the home of some very dear friends a while back. HE can be described as ‘old school’. SHE had a little too much to drink and missed the chair trying to sit and landed on the ground. HE was not pleased, etc etc. The next time they were at our house, and that scene came up in conversation, HE said to her, ‘You do that again and I’ll sp…’ He caught my eye and stopped cold. I wanted to say, ‘Yes…go on, PLEASE!’ but I just laughed at him. It was quite funny.

    Rambling. Sorry.

    Like

    • Ana says:

      LOL! Oh those are great stories! Did your friend (the last story) know anything about your interest?

      And yes, anyone who has an interest in spanking can’t speak with the same kind of detachment.

      I will hope that I get less kerflummoxed with age, too.

      I knew you’d be Team Sue!

      Like

      • jadecary says:

        You know, it’s hard to know what my friends know/think. My love slaps my ass at will, no matter who’s around, and once in front of his mother he threatened OTK/Bare if I didn’t…do something, can’t remember what. I was freaking mortified. I got him in the kitchen and said, “WTF were you thinking?” He said, “Well, it got you to listen.” I think like-minded people pick up the nuances right away, and the less clueless remain…clueless.

        My love had a work acquaintance from the UK, and we took an instant liking to him and his family. They were over here once, many years ago, and she said/did something, and he said, ‘Do I need to spank you? Do I need to discipline you right now?’ IN FRONT OF ME!!! My love was in the kitchen, so I was the only witness. she kind of looked down and blushed, and he dropped it. Later, I caught my love, again in the kitchen, and said, “C spanks his wife!” I was positively giddy. He said, “Are you sure?” I gave him one of those looks reserved for only the very dumb. He just laughed. We’re surrounded, I’m convinced!

        Like

        • Ana says:

          Jade, you have me in stitches here! I wish I could have been a fly on the wall.

          FWIW, Jane and I threatened each other with spankings (in jest) long before she ever knew I was into this. When I told her a couple months ago, she flipped out because she then remembered them.

          Your husband is right. It DID get you to listen. LOL!

          Like

  4. Sue Lyndon says:

    Anyone who votes Team Sue gets cookies!

    Like Jade, I am more comfortable flying my “freak flag” now than when I was younger. Of course it also depends who I’m around when the spanking topic comes up. If it’s around my close friends, my face doesn’t turn as red as it used to. But around people who don’t know me very well…that’s a different story.

    Like

    • Ana says:

      Naughty, naughty! I’m adding bribing to your list for Mrs. Claus. 😉

      I love that expression–fly a freak flag. I always wonder (with great fear) what people would think if they found out. :-O

      Like

  5. Rollin says:

    I think there is beginning to be convergence. The main reason is that real spanking as a disciplinary tool appears to be on the way out (at least publicly), and spanking as sexual titillation appears to be on the way in. Disciplinary spanking in school or at home is nearly always disapproved of by whoever brings up the topic. So today when you hear “real world” references a la birthday spanking, there seems to be a sexual subtext. Same for playful husband-wife interchanges like the the one Jade mentioned. I don’t seem to hear or see anything about spanking that is not presented as some sort of joke in a sexual context. I think it means that spanking as a sexual practice is coming out of the closet and gaining acceptance and that spanking as a disciplinary tool is receding into the closet (due to the intense societal disapproval of the practice.)

    BTW I’m definitely on team Sue. Sorry Ana.

    Like

    • Ana says:

      People who view spanking as sexual generally interpret all spanking as sexual whether it is or not. However, alternative lifestyles are generally more accepted if they are rooted in sexual practices rather than alternative lifestyles (such as DD) that may not be rooted in sex.

      Like

  6. jadecary says:

    You know, when you think about it, what’s the big deal? My friend, who coined the term Freak Flag, which I, too, love, was turning 40 a few weeks ago, and we, along with another friend (the one who’s hubby slaps her ass at will also),were having lunch. I was commenting on how wonderful 40 was for me, and how it was from 40 forward that I really came into my own sexually, became comfortable with my…and before I could finish, she said, ‘Fly your Freak Flag’. They know, they know what I write. They also know I write other stuff too, and lots of other personal stuff that has nothing to do with THIS. But they know THIS, as do many other friends. And I’ve finally decided that THIS is not the worst thing I could be into. There are folks out there into some odd shit that makes TTWD look Christ-like. To me, the biggest hurdle spankos have to jump is the whole feminist ideal that it’s abuse. But to me, feminism is all about choice, not THE choice, but A choice. So, I choose to allow my man to hit my erogenous zone as often as he wants. This is always my argument when I try to defend TTWD.

    Rambling again…can you tell I’m trying to avoid writing today?

    Like

    • Ana says:

      Avoiding writing? You and me both, eh? You know it’s bad when I’m searching Hulu for something to watch and I don’t even really like TV.

      Okay, the feminism thing is a whole topic for another blog post…I totally agree about choice BUT I will defend with my dying breath the idea that men can not choose for women and women can not choose for each other. So one woman uses her power and the history of feminism to say hit me with your best shoot ooh yes baby again…while another woman uses her power and history of feminism to say come one step closer and I’m filing an injunction. Frankly, the attitudes of some M/F couples don’t really help the feminist case much (the whole “God/biology intended all husbands to have the right to spank their wives because men are inherently stronger and superior, and women need guidance” thing).

      Like

      • jadecary says:

        Yeah, I don’t buy into that either, but again, the idea behind feminism was and is CHOICE. The founding mothers didn’t say, “Go out and work, leave the kids at home, have an equal relationship with your mate–or better yet, hold him under your thumb a while’. It said, ‘YOU can decide to stay home/work/be submissive/dominate your mate/fly your Freak Flag’. At least that’s what I see, what I get out of it.

        I read many blogs, and a few of them are written by male HoH’s who are trying to be exactly that in a house where it SEEMS as though it’s not happening organically, and I cringe, because it just seems so HARD. HE seems to be trying so hard to understand himself and justify his feelings, his ‘kink’ his ‘role’, then get his wife to agree and submit, and all the time I’m going, ‘Honey, if YOU can’t figure it out, then you shouldn’t be slapping ANYONE’S ass. You haven’t earned it.’

        If my man wanted to spank me for specific infractions I’d have to politely decline. There have been times over the course of our marriage where I have f-ed up big time, and I wished he’d do it because the anger and the silences were more painful for me, and I wanted the guilt taken away. I can think of maybe two or three times in 27 years I’ve felt this way. What we have happened organically, with zero discussion, except that I have, over the years, expressed my desires more plainly to him in hopes of…what, I don’t know. I know I need to be careful what I wish for, and with the exception of an extremely sassy mouth occasionally, I don’t need to be disciplined like an out of control female (I won’t even say child, because TTWD and the physical discipline of children is night and day to me). so, I agree, there is A LOT in the genre and in R/L that I don’t latch onto with any seriousness, but no matter what couples/individuals decide, it’s a choice for both, and for the woman, feminism has paved that road for her.

        Lord, I need to write. THIS is more fun!

        Like

        • Ana says:

          To be honest, there are plenty of HoHs who are sick of it, fed up, and are done with ttwd because they feel used/manipulated. The “submissive” partner uses ttwd as a way to demand that he/she gets to set rules, break them, *and* get mad when the HoH doesn’t respond exactly the way he/she wishes.

          Then there are “HoHs” who really are bullies and use “ttwd” as a way to bulldoze over their partner.

          Plus there are men (yes, I know there are women too but they are less visible and not supported by the dominant image of DD/ttwd) who, as you point out, don’t have the emotional maturity, self-awareness, or self-control to be in charge of themselves, let alone anyone else.

          There are also those men who think women are empty-headed, interchangeable, and dispensable sex toys.

          What I hate is when a story makes a token gesture toward feminism and then immediately dismisses it as not relevant. I’d rather read a good, old-fashioned, genuine patriarchal story than a patriarchal story that pretends to be feminist.

          Like

  7. Sunny Girl says:

    Wow, did I enjoy reading all of the comments. I’m half Team Ana and half Team Sue. I have difficulty writing sex scenes, sometimes I even have difficulty fitting a spanking into the story.

    Also, I have a husband who is a bottom slapper, always has been. I remember one time he did it in front of his mother too and she encouraged him, telling him I deserved it. it made me wonder., We just spent a great deal of time at my daughter’s and guess what, our SIL is an ass slapper too. Really makes me wonder and i’m not sure I want to go there. haha

    I am a spanko. No DD, even though there are times I wish it were so for a minute or two, but then my real self takes over and think there is no way I would submit the way some of the ladies choose to do. I admire them for doing so but know it’s just not for me, now or in the future. I look at the state of the world in this good ole boy male dominated society and wonder why anyone would even think they are wiser than us.

    I feel if there is mutual respect in a relationship, there is no need for DD. The Golden Rule prevails.

    Wow, so whose team am I on.

    Like

    • Ana says:

      Mine mine mine! I only have one vote so far. 🙂

      Giggle about your SIL.

      See why F/F is great? (I know, I know, I am a broken record…)

      I think that DD works best with two capable, responsible adults. It’s not one person dictating but two equally capable people deciding that one person will lead. But in many relationships, people find other ways to negotiate.

      Like

  8. jadecary says:

    In my writing at least, the H always brings it up, as in with a threat. That’s the first clue that something’s up. Then the h demures, is moritfied, embarassed, tosses out a few how-dare-yous, and is secretly more than a little turned on. BTW, this was my teenage and young adult years. I seem to attract them, like a special scent or something. I have a million stories of what could have been. LOL!

    Sunnygirl, you little fence-sitter, you!

    Like

    • Ana says:

      lol…I can just see sassy teenage Jade mouthing off and then secretly loving the threats. Ha!

      That tiny moment when the threat occurs is electric!! The shiver in your stomach, the delicious tingling, the thoughts that race through your head…

      Like

      • jadecary says:

        Oh, lord, you have no idea. There was a guy in HS, a year below me, but he was SO alpha. He was really built, big shoulders, etc. He always hung out with us, and he was one of those quiet types who kept all his secrets bottled up. So one day at lunch I started up with him, just teasing him, sassing, etc. He turns to me with this serious face and says, ‘Keep it up.” Well, I did. Next thing I know I’m up and over his shoulder. He peels off a dozen whacks then twirls around a few times, then sets me down. I’m all wobbly, meanwhile our dozen or so group of friends are cracking up. It was one of THOSE moments where I thought, maybe, I could get with him. But he was very immature in other ways. In other words, he did not earn it. But he was fun. He would have ended up being one of those who felt he ‘owed’ it to us to spank us into shape. Maybe. Who knows. So long ago.

        Lord, I need to get to work. LOL!!!

        Like

          • jadecary says:

            I did pretend to be mad, and I even slapped at him. He turned me around and smacked my ass again. All in the Sr. Quad in front of everyone. It was chaos! But, see, in the late 70s it was no big deal because these boys were seeing Ricky spank Lucy and whoeverelse spank whoeverelse on Gunsmoke, Bonanza, etc. It was no big deal. There were three spankos in our group and some days it was nuts. I was threatened by all of them at least once. Mortifying. Titillating. All of it. If I had it to do over again I’d handle myself so differently, but I didn’t know back then that this ‘feeling’ was OK to have. Sad.

            Like

            • Ana says:

              The way I see it, it’s better for you to have secretly liked it than to be disgusted and feel violated. I mean, that sort of thing must have also happened to girls who *did* find it a violation. Maybe another way to frame it.

              Then again, I think that we all grew up liking or having feelings about something that we were told we shouldn’t. One of mine was reading, no kidding. Was constantly told I should see the “real world” and stop reading so much. Sure showed them. 😉

              As long as what we like doesn’t hurt other people, I don’t see any reason to be ashamed of it.

              Like

  9. Palomino says:

    I’m on the Sue Ann team! Is that allowed? I love spanking, and always have. I do however get a special thrill when I’m not expecting to come across it in my read…it does get my detailed attention immediately. I also am a very physical guy when it comes to running my fingers through a girl’s hair looking into her eyes, cuddling. I love intimacy even after “rough sex”.

    Like

    • Ana says:

      I think all fence sitters should be on my team because of the underdog thing. Only fair. 🙂

      It’s fun to find a spanking story when we haven’t expected it, isn’t it? It’s nicer if it’s not in a roomful of professional people, though!

      The hair thing is such a trigger. Mmm.

      Like

  10. lea27f says:

    I’ve had a few situations out in the vanilla world that some mention of spanking has come up. I probably blushed and hopefully nobody noticed, though I was sure at the moment that they were all reading my mind!

    Like

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