Monday Morning Fika: Breanna Hayse on Ageplay

Today, Governing Ana welcomes Breanna Hayse for Fika. She lives and writes about ageplay, a topic that some love while others find disturbing. Even if ageplay isn’t your cup of tea, I ask that you keep an open mind while reading her article. There are many perspectives on ageplay, and this is only one.

Come back tomorrow for the inauguration of a new feature, “Tuesdays With Ana”. First post titled “Everything I need to know I learned writing spanking stories”.

When people hear the term age play, more often than not, the first image that comes to mind is either a a mentally regressed, oversized adult sitting in diapers or, sadly, pedophilia. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with either real life children or the mentally challenged. I cannot emphasize that enough. These perceptions have developed due to both ignorance and prejudice, and I truly hope to dispel any misconceptions that many people may adhere to.

First, allow me to preface by stating that, among consensual adults, there is no right or wrong. What may be great for one couple, may be completely abhorrent to another, but that is where we must allow ourselves to view this genre with an open mind and acceptance.  AP allows expression to all ages, genders, body types and education levels. No couple is alike.  Like child rearing, AP had multiple ways to address, explore and practice… and it is dependent upon the individuals involved. I also wish to invite anyone with questions, comments or reflections to feel free to contact me at any time. Together, we can open the doors for more people within the D&S community to explore their fantasies and desires without fear, shame or ignorance.

As most of my readers know, I have been actively involved in DS for many years, and that I am happily married and engaged in a full time DS relationship with my husband, John. We do not practice AP on a 24/7 basis, rather it is a special time that we set aside for ourselves at least a couple of times a week…. depending on my work schedule. We have found that entering this mode on particularly stressful times helps my focus, mood and behavior.

That brings up the first question… must AP be a permanent  arrangement? No.  Just like DS, the couples or families decide what works best for them.  Many people enjoy attending spanking parties and play times… but do not practice the lifestyle within the home.  Others, myself included, are continuously involved in the relationship. Again, it is dependent upon the couple and their own personal needs.  I will say this much though… I bow to those couples who commit to the 24/7 AP… especially the Big/adult.  It is an awful lot of work!

Ahhh, we progress to the second question… what are the roles? Obviously, we have the adult.. also called the Big.  He or she may take on the responsibility of daddy/mommy, uncle/aunt, guardian, teacher, etc…. any adult role of authority. There are many ‘families’ that extend into the play as well, and some communities even engage. Again, we cannot and do not judge… as all of us have different needs and desires.  It is no more (if I might use the term set by a negative reviewer) creepy than those people involved in large biological families or live in communes.

Littles, or adult children, are those who submit themselves into the authority of the Bigs. The ages are determined by the needs of the couple, and the consent and time constraints.  For example, anyone who has has a baby knows that constant supervision is needed, and that all of the infants needs are fully dependent upon the adult.  There are no expectations placed other than to nurture.  This is a full time job for the Big, including caring for the Littles every need, entertaining and supervising.  For the Little, all privileges are suspended, including being able to care for their own bodily functions.  It is absolute release of control… In every aspect…

I’m a control freak, so needless to say, I would have a real hard time there!

When we AP, I tend to take on the age of about six.  Old enough to care for my basic needs, yet free from any responsibilities except what Daddy asks of me. Reasonably, I am not learning to read, but I do color and play with age appropriate toys.  It is enough regression to allow me the freedom to release my stress of my job and the responsibilities that are associated with it, plus allows John to tend to me in the way he feels is most beneficial.  Just remember, the older the Little, the different the Big’s demands.

I’m seeing now that I should really expand this article into a book…. lol!

Sex. Ahh, the most uncomfortable subject when it comes to AP. NO! The Big is NOT fantasizing about having sex with a child! No, no, no…. AP, or regression, simply allows the Little to go back to an easier time and relinquish themselves to an authority.  Rarely, and I’m not saying all, do couple engage in sexual activity in the AP role.  The Little is promoted to big girl/big boy status and reenters their adult state for adult activities.  John had a real issue for a while, switching back and forth between Daddy and husband… we had to physically disengage from AP for at least an hour for him, and me, to resume our regular, adult place.  Other couples can slide right into the change.  Again, it’s personal preference.

I’ve already addressed why some people would explore this side of D&S, but what of other reasons beyond stress relief? It can be very therapeutic if handled correctly, but also as easily destructive.  Because of the vulnerability the Little has to allow, clear boundaries need to be set in the beginning and, in the beginning (particularly if there is a chance of striking some emotionally sensitive areas, i.e. an abusive childhood issue), I do suggest the use of either a safe word or what we call, an alert.  These can been disposed of once the relationship is fully established with the degree of trust required.  Bigs… don’t disregard your Littles if there is a history of abuse or neglect.  They are depending on you to help them heal and give them the love and acceptance required to move forward.  LIttles… this can be a scary time for you… you need to be able to trust your Big to take care of you.  Communication is everything!

Discipline. Alright, i would venture to say that the majority of us are into, and practice, the discipline of spanking.  Again, the schools of thought regarding the discipline of real children are different… but we are not dealing with children here.  We are dealing with consensual adults who are involved, or are exploring, this lifestyle.  The big difference here is that the discipline will be more severe than if delivered to a child.  For example, if the Little is required to stand in the corner… he/she might be there for an hour while a child might be for ten minutes.  An adult can be spanked severely, with different implements, bare-bottomed…. amongst other methods.  John says that the only difference between Little Discipline and Sub discipline is the degree of humiliation, severity and restraint.  While as Little Bree, I might earn myself a switching to my bare bottom. I remain fully clothed and usually OTK, and am allowed to kick and squirm.  As the adult Breanna, I might receive the same switching naked, tied over a bench and plugged.  See the difference? And yes, I DO avoid switchings! Oh, FYI, Nikki does not receive the same type of ‘adult’ discipline I do…just in case you were wondering. SHE gets to get her clothes on, and never undergoes any type of anal discipline.

Community involvement.  In the Game Plan, Lost and Found, and Guardian Domination, I included familial involvement in the AP/training.  For me, having multiple disciplinarians works to keep me on my toes, however, I am monogamous in my ‘adult’ relationship. Other people prefer to keep their AP private.  Again, the amount of outside involvement is dependent on the needs of those involved, and is neither right nor wrong,  ‘creepy’, ‘gross’, or ‘weird’.  I find it interesting how some people will attend spanking parties where they, or their partners, are spanked by strangers, but then are uncomfortable with the idea of having a D&S family.  Remember, my friends, we are in a very small community and need to support one another as best as possible.  It’s hard enough that the vanilla world doesn’t understand/accept us… we don’t need the same from each other, right?

So… how does one start? By honestly communicating our needs, which begins by an open, clear view of ourself.  If we fear our dark or hidden desires, then we cheat ourselves of discovery.  Like I tell my ‘plankton’ (I’m the Jumbo Shrimp/alpha sub and my peeps are those who train under me), we can’t achieve our goals until we accept our needs.

In finale, I will share with you a typical day of age-play for me. Let’s assume I’ve had a tough week, and come home grumpy…..

John (Daddy) greets me at the door.  Before I can say anything, he already knows what I need.  He’s heard it in my voice when I called him to tell him I was on my way home.  He’s prepared, also knowing I’m a bit cranky and might need some persuasion.  Yes, he knows me well.  He takes my bags from me and, after a kiss on the cheek, leads me into the bathroom where he has my big tub filled sky high with bubbles! I love bubbles… they immediately put me into a regressed frame of mind.  He undresses me and helps me into the tub.  After handing me my soap crayons (I like to draw naughty pictures on the wall), he leaves to get me a mug of hot cocoa. Not coffee…. little girls don’t drink coffee.

When he returns, he washes my hair.  Slowly and calmly, massaging away the stress from my night.  He then scrubs my body with my pink sponge thingy, using berry scented soap.  The scent puts me into the childlike mode, compared to my regular vanilla and sandalwood mix.   He lets me play in the bubbles for a while longer and sits with me, asking question about my goals for my day off.  I notice he wasn’t talking about that day… that was already planned. I was going to be Little and expected to simply mind him.  I also knew that, in my present mood, it would be a chore.

I have to admit, the warm bath, hair washing and hot cocoa, combined with working the entire night, left me exhausted.  Daddy sees me yawn and announces it’s time to get out of the tub.  It’s cold in the room and I don’t want to leave the warm, soothing bubbles. A frown and one finger held in the air is enough to make me obey. I’m too tired and too cranky to invite a spanking this early in the game!!

I can’t help but giggle as he holds out my bunny onsies! Oh yeah, not joking here.  Pink with a bunny tail of the open flap, and little bunny faces on the feet. He found these silly things at Target! I let him dress me and then settle between his knees for him to comb out and blow dry my hair. It’s really long and Daddy isn’t that good at braiding, but I don’t care. I’m falling asleep on his shoulder.  I barely remember him tucking me into bed, and stuffing Squishy (my killer whale pillow pet) under my arm.  He also leaves me a water bottle with one of those sippy tops on it in case I get thirsty.  The last thing I remember is him rubbing my back and my bottom before I drift off the sleep.

Because its my day off, he only allows me to sleep about four hours and then wakes me… usually with a kiss and then some tickling.  I’m not ready to get up and am a bit grumpy.  He pulls me out of bed and drags me into the bathroom to go potty and brush my teeth, promising a whole plethora of fun things to do if I behave myself.  I don’t care, i am sleepy and wanna to back to bed. It’s time for breakfast and, I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit more awake after I eat… as long as he doesn’t force me to eat oatmeal. I hate oatmeal. Oh good! Booberry Pancakes!

I’m usually allowed to watch cartoons. or Disney, while eating my breakfast. As long as I finish it, that is.  After I’m done, i have to put my plate in the sink and then get dressed. I don’t wanna. I like being in my jamies.  Thats when things start to turn bad for me… I’m allowed one warning before I find myself over his lap and being spanked.  Daddy will drop the flap of my onsies and let loose with his hand on my bare bottom.  I never take it quietly… heck no, I shriek, yell, kick, twist… anything to make it stop. It’s still too early for me and I am not in the mood.  Daddy stops spanking me when I agree to cooperate, and that my words sound convincing.  He knows me too well.

After I pout a little, I get dressed in whatever he has laid out for me.  Since it’s cold out, I have my pink sweats and Tinkerbell sweatsuit that he bought for me at Disney.  He lets me wear my fuzzy angry bird slippers and then sits me at the table to color while he changes the strings on his guitar (he’s a professional musician).  If I stay quiet, he joins me and we spend some time coloring together.  He’s really competitive too! It always makes me giggle to see him enjoying the coloring as much as I do (by the way folks, we are designing an adult coloring book based on D&S themes… so watch my blog for the coloring contest!)

The day continues… we play games, watch TV, go exploring outside if it’s nice, play ball with the dogs and the goose…..maybe even have a picnic if it’s warm enough.  I’m not allowed to wander off… his constant supervision is required when we are outside.  He worries about snakes biting or aliens capturing me in their spaceships.  If my mood improves, I do grab this time to be a brat.  Daddy does NOT like earthworms in his hair, but I think it’s funny.

If my sister is around, she will join us and play barbies with me, or color.  Daddy has to supervise our game playing though, because she hates to lose, and I am a terrible cheater.  That never fares well for either of us.  Even though I’m older, she naturally regresses as the younger sibling and acts up more than usual. Yeah, it typically ends up with her getting spanked by Daddy while I laugh at her.

By bed time, I’m exhausted, but at peace.  I had a whole day of being free from responsibility and chaos, was lovingly cared for and directed, and only had to worry about following Daddy’s rule. Which, I hate to admit, but even in my adult state, I don’t do as I should!

Hey, I never said I was the world’s best sub, but I am John’s favorite little girl!

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Learn more about Breanna Hayse at her website.

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63 thoughts on “Monday Morning Fika: Breanna Hayse on Ageplay

  1. lacrimsonfemme says:

    I love ageplay! I’m so glad Breanne is here today to explain it better. I’ll have to reference her website for people who are interested but confused.

    I tried ageplay a long time ago and enjoyed it. I went ABDL though. I don’t do it anymore because my spouse doesn’t like it all. :/

    Like

  2. Penelope says:

    Thanks for this wonderful account, Breanna. I loved every word. That sounds like a very fun day you spent with Daddy! 🙂

    The appeal of ageplay is, I think, just one of those things that one either feels or doesn’t feel: I, personally, feel it. I think that it is a beautiful, precious thing, a beautiful way to explore yourself, your relationship with your partner, the world. And as you rightly say it is therapeutic; liberating; healing. I love it and am happy for all the Littles and Bigs everywhere that they have this wonderful dimension to their lives.

    P.S. Sorry for the plug but in uncanny fashion I have literally just put up a post by my ‘little’ persona on my blog.

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    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      Fika is a place where we can come together to talk about things even if they don’t appeal to us personally. I’ve even heard rumors that one or two people might not be fans of F/F. 😉

      Will have to check out your post. I knew that you would enjoy today’s Fika.

      Like

    • breanna Hayse says:

      Thanks Penelope! I agree, AP isn’t for everyone, I am just happy to have the platform through my writing and blogs like this one, to let people know how wonderful it can be. And that it isn’t this yucky taboo thing that many may associate with it. I will check out your blog! Thanks. 🙂

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  3. Joseph McNamara says:

    Thank you for a very comprehensive look at an aspect of D/s that will always come with quandary, opinion, and anticipatory emotion. Interestingly, often a practitioner and/or life-style couple engaged in other aspects of D/s and living with the so called stigma’s that come along and are critical of them, will place that same stigma on others who believe in and incorporate into their lives AP. Your article here and your continued work and future writing is a critical resource. Thank you for sharing here today….

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    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      It’s absolutely true that people are quick to judge in others what they don’t want judged in themselves. Some of the most judgmental people I’ve ever met regarding the lifestyle are kinksters–judgmental of other kinksters who don’t follow their own way of kink.

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    • breanna Hayse says:

      Thank you so much Joseph. It is really important to me to never be judgmental, especially in regard to lifestyle choices others make – that is why I often tackle the difficult topics through my books, blog, and professional private counseling. I find it very gratifying when someone tells me that they feel better about their own choices and needs because they no longer feel it is bad or wrong to feel a certain way. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

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  4. minelle says:

    I think understanding is the key here. You express that it is about care and love, giving up control. All of us can identify with a desire for those things. People are much more likely to judge based on lack of knowledge. Thank you for your discussion Breanna.

    Thanks Ana!!

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    • breanna Hayse says:

      Absolutely Minelle. I do feel that the D/s relationship is inherently AP related. We as subbies do give up control to our Doms-we trust them to care for us and love us unconditionally-just as a child does with her parents.

      Like

  5. Sassy says:

    Bree thank you so much for sharing. I always appreciate how helpful you are helping those in the community. I have learned so much through reading your books & your thoughts on age play. It was something I previously felt uncomfortable with but learning more about it I am able to identify with certain needs I have of stepping out of control freak modeletting someone take care of my needs for a bit. Still not an easy thing to explain to others this need. But appreciate learning a bit more about it today. Look forward to your adult coloring book as long as we don’t have to stay in the lines 😉

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    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      Isn’t she wonderful? Always open to questions. I am glad that you have found a way to feel more comfortable with your needs. I’m also not sure whether you’re capable of coloring within the lines.

      You do know what happens to little girls who text and drive, right?

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    • breanna Hayse says:

      Thank you so much Sassy. I am so glad that I am able to help people through my books-as well as entertain them 😉 And no, staying within the lines is absolutely not necessary! Oh and Sassy, the stopping at the light and texting? That my dear would totally get you busted with Sir John. Just saying 🙂

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      • Sassy says:

        Working on that baby steps. I was getting better. And after revert being pulled over and given a waning working much harder. I look forward to reading your next book always feel I come away understanding more.

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  6. jadecary says:

    Thank you, Breanna, for your wonderful explanation and a peek into a typical AP day for you. I will admit this lifestyle is a bit confusing and until I read your wonderful take on AP, it sat WAY outside my comfort zone. Thanks for such a warm-hearted article. Open communication is key, and you’ve done it, my friend.

    Best…
    J

    Like

    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      I think many of us shy away from certain things because we have ideas about it…F/F, M/M, ageplay, or whatever. It’s great that you’re willing to step outside your comfort zone and learn more about something new.

      Like

    • breanna Hayse says:

      Jade, I am so glad that my sharing my AP day has helped you become a little more comfortable with what it really is all about. I am so happy that through mine, and others writings, AP is “coming out” and becoming more acceptable.

      Like

  7. Sassy Chassy says:

    Bree, that was a wonderful introduction into the ageplay dynamic! I love getting glimpses into others relationships and the aspects if the lifestyles they bring into it. I’m definitely into what I call ageplay “lite” and also enjoy reading stories with lite ageplay aspects. I certainly love the idea of losing adult responsibilities for awhile! Being in someone else’s care & control is also appealing. Thanks for sharing!

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  8. Constance Masters says:

    I have to admit Bree I was in the camp that didn’t really understand AP. I don’t judge ever because I hate being judged myself. This explanation though was so clear that I can really see where you’re coming from. I can see how letting your guard down and being a child again, even for just a day here and there, would be such a release. Thanks so much for sharing 🙂

    Like

  9. krblake says:

    Age play fascinates me, but I can’t imagine adults having the freedom to play in this manner if they have young children, unless the children can spend time at grandma’s. I would think children might get very confused if they saw Mommy regressing to their age, especially since most parents are trying to teach their children to be independent. Love the article though. It offers great insight into the day of a “little.” I also found it interesting that a younger sister was permitted to join in as a playmate. That meant John had two “littles” to care for. I would think having other family members taking part would be unusual, but it sounds like an interesting storyline. Thanks for sharing.

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    • breanna Hayse says:

      AP definitely does require the couple to have privacy. It is not really something you would want to do in front of children. When Nikki was younger, we had to work hard to find time to play when she wasnt around. It definitely gets easier. As the children grow up and leave the house, you will have the time to engage in these sorts of activities. But, even with children in the house, you can still play a little. A bubble bath given to your subbie with the kids in bed in another room is not going to raise any eyebrows. You just need to find ways to fit things in to the best of your ability and comfort level.

      It is hard to explain the dynamic of our family but since John has always been like a father to Nikki, she was already “little” around him naturally. As she grew up and learned more about the lifestyle and started reading my books, she naturally just fell into it with me. And yes, John has his hands full with both of us around. Heck, he has his hands full with just Nikki!

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  10. Bob says:

    Thanks for this eye opening article. I now know a little bit more on AP
    I have a question, is sex avoided while playing in the AP mode?
    sex avoided while playing?

    Bob

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    • lacrimsonfemme says:

      So, I’m going to answer this one. According to Bree, with her relationship, she does not have sex with it. In the instance where I played it. I was actually regressed to… Adult Baby. So that’s another step further. Sex was involved. Well, not intercourse…but sexual play was involved.

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    • breanna Hayse says:

      Hi Bob. For John and I, when I am little, there is no sex. I am just a little girl in need of tender loving care and sometimes a little discipline. 😉 It is a way for me to emotionally release stress and recharge my battery. But it often does lead to sex because we are so connected. At that point though, Little Breanna grows up. :)(And Nikki exits the building) lol

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  11. katherinedeane says:

    That was such a great post! I have started thinking about AP this past month. I don’t think I would want to go back to the diapering and biological functioning help. But I have found myself wanting to do the “stomping around, and pouting, in my big girl panties” session. And I would definitely be a kicker and screamer OTK also 🙂
    Alas, hubby has just barely gotten comfortable with DD. It may be a while before I can bring up “big girl panty” time.
    Thanks for the insight .

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    • Sassy says:

      I’ve done the stomp & pout for years….all it’s gotten me is picked up & moved into another room until I’m ready to play nice. My H would also not be comfortable with label he doesn’t even think of it is DD just something he/we do.

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    • breanna Hayse says:

      You know Katherine, in a sense all the bratting we subbies do is a form of AP. We are pushing their buttons so they will take a firm hand. But I agree, being new to the lifestyle, it may be best to hold off on full fledge stomping and temper tantrums. 🙂

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  12. Joelle Casteel says:

    Thank you, Brenna. Great article! Once I’ve been good and had my breakfast, I need to find you… facebook , twitter, your website. Because if you turn this article into a book, I want it! I also just bought “The Game Plan”- can’t wait to read it. I was most glad on how you touched on AP doesn’t have to be 24/7- I don’t know if it was the lack of my own reading or that I’m 24/7 M/s, but picturing situational AP was hard for me. I loved the time you took in talking about open mindedness, as well as what AP isn’t.

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