#Wewriwa: Home without Natalie (Release day THIS Wednesday! Vote for the blurb!)

The-Way-Home-3D

Release day is almost here!! It’s been over a decade since Kat and Natalie first came to me, over a year since I re-discovered their stories, over seven months since I started posting new installments, and six months since I began this tumultuous, amazing journey toward publication.

I may have published three books between signing the contract and the release date, but this is my first book. My first-born, the child of my heart, the breath of my body. I’ve grown as a writer since I put the first words to paper (and winced as I did the revising and editing that did not allow me to do the complete overhaul I would have wished), and in one way I am a bit embarrassed at some of the clunky, amateurish sentences. I took too much to heart some editing suggestions and tinkered too much with the details. Some of the places show where I should have left well enough alone.

But…even on the 700 millionth re-read for the final PDF, I found myself in tears…again. “The L Word”. “Dreams”. Those two chapters reduce me to tears every single time.

Here, world. Here is my naked, pulsating soul. Take it softly, please. If you hate it, tell me gently…but not yet.

Today’s snippet is from the opening scene where we meet Kat and realize that Natalie is missing from her life. Missing, but very much present in her absence.

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I trudge to the kitchen, open the fridge, and blearily search for the peanut butter before remembering that Natalie is no longer around to hide my favorite morning toast spread. Try as I might, I never could break her of the habit of refrigerating perfectly good peanut butter.

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“It won’t spread when it’s cold!” I insisted. “It melts onto your hot toast, anyway. Besides, do you want food poisoning?”

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Natalie has this phobia about food poisoning. She is absolutely certain that every food must be refrigerated or else it will grow lethal germs. I tried to explain that my Jif contained approximately as many preservatives as a Botox injection, and that a germ would have to be bio- genetically engineered in order to survive in all of the chemicals found in the modern wonder known as Jif Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter. Every morning, I would complain to Natalie about my cold peanut butter and she would tell me to get over it.

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Would you please help me? I am rewriting the blurb for this book. I want something that will draw the reader in and make him or her say, “I MUST read this book!”

Which blurb appeals to you? Do you have feedback/suggestions to make your chosen blurb better?

Thank you SO much!

BLURB NUMBER ONE:

The Way Home (Kat and Natalie, Volume One)

For ten years, Natalie has been Kat’s rock, the one person Kat could always depend on to be there for her whether she needed a hug, a giggle-fest, or even a punishment. Natalie has been the confident and fun-loving social butterfly who teaches Kat about college life, academics, and friendship by taking Kat under her wing… and over her knee. But as they grow up, the darkness of the grown-up world creeps in and pulls them apart.

So when Kat wakes up one morning to find Natalie shutting her out for the second time, she is at a loss. In trying to make sense of Natalie’s abrupt alienation, she thinks back to all the good times they had together – and all the bad. It has been nearly a decade since the last time Natalie shut Kat out, and now she knows that they must make peace with that fateful night all those years ago if they are ever to find their way back to each other. Their way home.

BLURB NUMBER TWO:

From their first day as college roommates, Natalie has been Kat’s world. Now their world is falling apart.

The peanut butter. Natalie always liked it cold. Except she’s no longer around to care.

Waking up one morning, Kat receives a nasty shock.  The jangling of the telephone call breaks into Kat’s life of jigsaw puzzles and macaroni and cheese. Natalie is in the hospital. No visiting. Just bring the house key, she says.

Kat desperately tries to reach out, but Natalie slams the door in her face. Reeling, Kat pieces together memories from their previous ten years together. Natalie was always the confident and fun-loving social butterfly who taught Kat about college life, academics, and friendship by taking Kat under her wing… and over her knee. From their first meeting when Natalie introduced Kat to the wooden spoon that would become the cornerstone of their relationship to the last awful fight that broke apart their world, Natalie has always been the one in charge.

Left on her own for the first time, Kat comes to a terrifying conclusion. If she doesn’t find the courage to fight for their relationship, no one will. What will she do?

Warning: This novel contains scenes of adult spanking in a domestic discipline relationship.

 

UPDATE:

 

The lovely Sue Lyndon has suggested this mash-up of the two blurbs. What do you think?

Natalie has been Kat’s world. Now their world is falling apart. It hurts that the one person Kat could always depend to be there for hugs, giggle-fests, or even a punishment is now absent. Natalie was the confident and fun-loving social butterfly who taught Kat about college life, academics, and friendship by taking Kat under her wing…and over her knee. If only the darkness of the grown-up world hadn’t crept in and pulled them apart…
 
A decade has passed since the last time Natalie shut Kat out. When Natalie ends up in the hospital, Kat tries to reach out – only to get the door slammed in her face. Will they ever make peace with the fateful night that separated them all those years ago? Or will they find their way back to each other? Their way home.

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Available THIS WEDNESDAY, March 6th from Lazy Day Publishing, Amazon, and Barnes & Noble
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Like what you see here? My *other* new release, Editorial Board, is available here. Thank you!
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38 thoughts on “#Wewriwa: Home without Natalie (Release day THIS Wednesday! Vote for the blurb!)

  1. Penelope says:

    Blurb 1, definitely. Blurb 2 assumes too much prior knowledge, I think; it seems to come in too mid-stream.

    I think that the second para of Blurb 1 could be reworked as it is a bit topsy-turvy at the mo. Natalie’s second shutting-out of Kat almost seems to occur before the first. But I know what you’re trying to do.

    Like

  2. Sassy Chassy says:

    Blurb 2 is very compelling & makes me want to read more! I will admit compared to blurb 1 is seems more intriguing, exciting, and creates more anticipation.

    Like

  3. Sassy Chassy says:

    Actually, not trying to make you crazy and too many opinions can do that, I think combining the first paragraph of blurb one with blurb two would be the perfect balance. Informative, intriguing, & enough to pull you in.

    Like

  4. katherinedeane says:

    I still think you should try to put the two together a bit, if it’s not too hard.
    What about the first main part of blurb 1 that explains everything; then add in a brief expy about Natalie’s hospital stay and shutting Kat out emotionally, which triggers her fear / memories. Then asking herself how she can find her way back to her sister / ,mentor, how she can find her way back home… etc…

    I think that would give the necessary background info, and would create an intimacy that they would immediately understand, and want to read.
    Gah, I lost my train of thought.
    Good luck!!
    🙂

    Like

  5. Jess Schira says:

    I’m sorry Ana, but I’m not really sold on either blurb. though they both have good elements, neither makes me want to run out and buy the book. I like the back story you’ve captured in the 1st paragraph of blurb #1, and I adore the intensity in your final sentence of the 2nd blurb. But overall, the blurb seem … lackluster. I wish I could be more specific.

    Like

  6. terpsichore says:

    At first read I would say blurb 1 as it seemed to flow more for me. However, I do like some of the intensity of blurb 2. Congratulations on the release of your book, by the way. 🙂

    Like

  7. Sunny Girl says:

    I like the first sentence of the first paragraph of the first blurb combined with the 1st and last sentence of the 2nd paragraph of the first blurb.

    Like

  8. pao says:

    I agree a combination of the first part of blurb #1 and the second part of blurb #2. OK, just saw the update, that one looks neater. ‘Now their world is falling apart’ has an impact.

    Like

  9. altahensley says:

    I love the updated one that Sue helped with. I think it’s really good! But I disagree that the first one was lack luster. It would have been just fine as well. But #3 is really good. Can’t wait.

    Like

  10. Adaline Raine says:

    Oooh I like the mismesh blurb! I love the way that it gives a little more info than the first blurb but not enough to give away the story. Love it a lot and yes, I agree with Pao about the ‘falling apart’. It literally makes you want to pick it up and find out why. Will this be released in actual paper? Hardcover/paperback?

    Like

  11. Ryan Derham says:

    Blurb 1 gets my vote. It’s more succinct, captures your attention without revealing too much, and is very smoothly written. And I agree with Kat about the peanut butter. 😉

    Like

  12. Sue says:

    If words you wrote still make you cry… don’t be embarrassed over the details. I know people who refrigerate everything..I’m useless with blurbs sorry

    Like

  13. S. J. Maylee says:

    I got a shiver at the end of the first blurb and the updated one. You put me right there in the middle of the heart ache. Now, thinking back on the snippet, oh yeah, powerful stuff. I’m really happy for you. Congrats on the release.

    Like

  14. Cat says:

    Hey Ana…I really like the mash-up. From the blurbs you’ve shared, it seems as if many times, Nat is disciplining Kat rather than punishing her. So the one suggestion I have is that in the line “… even a punishment is now absent.” I would change ‘punishment’ to ‘discipline’.

    Whatever you choose, breathe…your baby will be fine and we will all love her.

    Blessings,
    Cat

    Like

  15. siobhanmuir says:

    Ana, I really liked the second blurb a lot better. I think it hooks the reader, brings the problems to the fore, and sets us up for the courage Kat must grab to get what she wants. I don’t think you need to combine them at all. You nailed it in the second blurb. And I loved the peanut butter memory. Nicely done. I’d read it from that second blurb. 😀

    Like

  16. Lizzie says:

    I think the second is better… but I might leave out the peanut butter? It makes sense to us because we’ve just read your piece here, but your audience won’t have.

    The second is much more interesting!

    Like

  17. Patricia Green says:

    I like the third one (the combo). It covers all the selling points without going on too long or leaving out things that will attract readers. Sue Lyndon had the right idea, and you had the right execution, Ana.

    Like

  18. minelle says:

    I like the second one better than the first. I felt the first one was to clinical. I liked how you grabbed us with the jangling phone in the second…But what do I know?
    You can rework it with everyone’s suggestions, but listen to your instincts.

    I am so excited about this story. I cannot wait to read!

    Like

  19. lea27f says:

    I like the mash-up. You seem to have a thing for wooden spoons. Also, why would anyone in their right mind refrigerate peanut butter? Omg, I would hate if someone living with me did that. Lol.

    Like

  20. Anastasia Vitsky says:

    Thank you so much, everyone! I am sorry not to respond to comments individually, but this week with two new releases I’m afraid I can’t get to everything the way I want to. xoxo and much gratitude as I take all of your feedback into account as I write the fifteenth version of this blurb. THANK you.

    Like

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