Happy birthday, Renee! (Return of the Naughtiest Elf)

Our favorite Renee Rose is celebrating her birthday today, and she’s chosen to make it a festive day despite the sadness of recent events. Go to her blog to vote for your favorite implement for her birthday spanking! For her birthday, I wrote her a little story. I hope you like it. Happy birthday, dearest Renee. You’ll always be the naughtiest elf in my book.

Elf Renee Mistlekiss stomped a curly, pointed shoe. “Why do you get all the spankings?” she scowled. “I’m the naughtiest elf!”

Head Elf Anastasia Peppermint-Twist shook her head. “I don’t try to get them, I swear! I want you to be the naughtiest elf, too. Though why you want it, I have no idea. Don’t you realize how much those spankings hurt?”

“Mmm,” Renee murmured dreamily. “Remember when Mrs. Claus spanked me with the wooden spoon that still had bits of cookie batter? I mean, that was HOT!”

Anastasia peered at Renee. “Honey, are you feeling all right? Maybe I should bring you to the infirmary.”

Renee shrugged. “If you’d stop hogging all the spankings…” She turned on her heel and headed toward the new suite she shared with her husband in the family quarters. She had thought that the move last month would ensure that she and her husband had plenty of…intimate time…but instead Elf Jared insisted on working all hours of the day.

“Come here, honey,” she cooed as she entered their home. “We’ve only used that shower a few times since we got it.” She tugged at the hem of her shirt suggestively.

Jared gave her an absent-minded kiss and turned back to his spreadsheet. “Sorry, but Santa said if I can come up with a more efficient way to store the rocking horses until December I may get a promotion.”

Renee dropped the hem of her shirt. “Jared! First Anastasia hogs all the spankings, and now you’re too busy for me. What’s wrong with everyone?”

“Love you,” came the automatic reply.

Renee stomped away. For the past twelve months she had done everything anyone asked her to do, well except perhaps share in the Christmas spirit without being prodded…oh, wait! Maybe that was an idea! It had gotten her a spanking before. She headed to Elf Emma Snowsparkle’s room. Emma had been her roommate before Anastasia finally got Renee a suite with her family. Yet one more reason that Anastasia had been unfair.

“Emma,” Renee called as she knocked on the door. “Christmas is stupid. Don’t you think we should…”

Emma jerked the door open and covered Renee’s mouth. “Don’t you remember what happened the last time you said that?”

Renee giggled. “Of course I do. We got yummy spankings, and then we got to spank Anastasia. So out with it, don’t you think Christmas is stupid?”

“Just because you’ve gone insane doesn’t mean I have to get walloped with you!” Emma exclaimed, and she slammed the door shut. “I never saw you! I never heard you!” she shouted from behind the closed door.

Renee kicked her bright-green shoes against the linoleum as she made her way to the workrooms. The elves had finished work for the day, but maybe she could cheer herself up with one of the pink suede floggers she and Emma had been lucky enough to make. Sure better than the everlasting rocking horses.

On the way, Renee had a better idea. Mrs. Claus had spanked Anastasia after the “naughtiest elf” poll at Christmas. Renee hadn’t even come in second. That darn Elf Cara Sugarcreme had taken that away, too. Why did no one see that Renee could be the naughtiest elf, if only they would give her a chance?

“I’m naughty,” Renee muttered to herself. “I’m the naughtiest elf. I should get a spanking if I want!” She found the old poll and sighed at the results. Anastasia was the winner, loud and clear. Smackingly loud and clear. The voting buttons no longer worked, and Renee couldn’t figure out how to start a new poll. She kicked the voting booth, hard.

“Ow!” she cried, hopping around the room. “I hate this stupid place!” She started to cry. Not one elf had told her happy birthday. No one had as much as smiled at her or given her a gift. It was her birthday today, and darn it if she didn’t deserve to get spanked if she wanted to!

A waft of sugar cookies reached her sniffling nose, and a warm voice spoke. “Child,” Mrs. Claus said, and her arms opened.

“I HATE Christmas!” Renee screamed, half-hoping that Mrs. Claus would take action, but instead Mrs. Claus enveloped her in a tight embrace.

“Let it all out,” Mrs. Claus soothed, patting Renee’s back. “It’s okay to cry.”

“Leave me alone!” Renee raged, crying and hiccupping at the same time. “No one cares about me. They all ignore me and…”

Mrs. Claus stroked her cheek. “It’s all right to be sad, dear heart. You’ve had a rough time.”

“Stop being so nice and spank me! I can get spanked if I want to!” By now Renee was crying too hard to talk clearly, and her words came out as, “SoingspankcanifIooh!”

“How can I call you naughty when you’ve had so much to deal with already?”

“I want to be naughty! I am naughty! Leave me alone!” Renee screamed.

Mrs. Claus pursed her lips and reached into her apron pocket. Out came the trusty wooden spoon. Before Renee knew what was happening, Mrs. Claus had pulled her over her lap and applied several hard smacks against Renee’s skirted bottom.

“Ow!” Renee yelped. “Stop that!”

“No thank you, dear,” Mrs. Claus answered as she swatted hard and steadily. “If you’re going to insist on throwing a fit, I’ll give you a good reason to have one.”

By this time, Renee’s pointed elf cap was on the floor and her little legs kicked with abandon. “I didn’t…not like…”

“Didn’t you say you wanted a spanking?”

“Not like this!” Renee wailed. But after only a few more swats, Mrs. Claus stood her up and patted her cheek.

“Happy birthday, dear one,” she said. Out of another apron pocket came one of her famous sprinkle-topped sugar cookies. “Here, take one of these.”

Renee fumbled for her cap and took the cookie. She wiped away her tears. “Thank you,” she began, but Mrs. Claus gave her a push.

“Go on. Get home to your family.”

Renee skipped, yes actually skipped down the hall. The spanking had lightened her heart in a way she could never describe, and the soothing magic of the sugar cookie applied balm to her sore heart. By the time she reached her home, the cookie was gone and so was her attitude.

“Honey?” she called into their suite. “I’m sorry about earlier, I…”

“Shut the door.”

Jared stood in the center of the room. Renee’s ashen face turned as she closed the door with trembling fingers.

“Honey, I got upset and I’m sorry I took it out on…”

A slow, deliberate unbuckling of his belt. His supple, wide leather belt.

“Please, sweetheart…”

“Over the bed, Renee.” Each word was precise, measured.

“No, Jared, please…”

Doubled into a loop, the hard buckle and metal parts safely tucked in his hand. The slight bounce of leather against leather.

“I’d advise you not to make me say that again, Renee.”

“But you said you had to work!” Renee wailed. Obediently, she bent over the bed and lifted her bottom high. The sugar cookie in her stomach felt like rock.


Renee cried out. “Honey!”

“Yes, I had to work. Would you like to know why I had to work, Renee?”
Each time he said her name, Renee shrank further into the bed. “To get a promotion so you can earn more money and provide for the family?”



Renee cried into the bedspread. “I don’t know! Please stop!”

“Because Celeste and Sue came to me three months ago saying they wanted to surprise you with a party tonight. They spread the word to Jade, Emma, Cara, and the others. They’ve even arranged to take care of the kids tonight.”

Renee’s heart sank. “I didn’t know…”



“In the past hour, I’ve gotten reports from Anastasia, Emma, Mrs. Claus, and the maintenance crew who had to repair the voting booth you broke.”

“Honey, I’m so sore already…Mrs. Claus spanked me…please stop!”

Jared paused to rub her back. “You couldn’t trust me? You had to cause a ruckus throughout the entire Elfland? Don’t you realize that we all love you?”

Renee whimpered. “It doesn’t feel like that right now.”

Jared set the belt on the bed and leaned down to kiss her. “I love you,” he said. “And as long as you are my wife, you will not show me or anyone else the kind of disrespect you displayed today.”

Renee melted into his arms. “What can I do to make it up to you?” she whispered.

Jared unbuttoned her skirt. “Let’s start with some window washing.”

Renee knew she should say, “Yes, sir,” but her mouth wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, it said the first thing that popped into her mind.


25 thoughts on “Happy birthday, Renee! (Return of the Naughtiest Elf)

  1. Joseph McNamara says:

    If you look up “Spank-A-Holic” on Wikipedia you see Renee’s Picture. Certainly a celebrity in the form of spanking among us. “Happy Spanking Birthday Renee” – The one Spanko who would love everyday to be her Birthday….


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