Monday Morning Fika with Natasha Knight: The “S” word

Please welcome the lovely Natasha Knight who will chat with us today about the “S” word. No, not that word. The *other* “S” word. (Protect your children’s ears, please.) You may remember Natasha from the Advent Calendar when she posted about keeping American Christmas customs in the Netherlands. She is also the official translator when we need to give Bas a hard time. 🙂

Natasha’s book, Naia and the Professor, has received a great deal of attention recently. She’s also recently published another book, but I’ll let her tell you about that at the end of the post.

My daughter crept into my bed last night. She wasn’t feeling well and I’d already fallen asleep so I only realized it when her little hand found mine sometime in the night.  As much as I love it when my kids sleep in my bed, I end up not getting a whole lot of sleep myself because I just lay there watching them, listening to their little breath, kissing their soft, warm faces. It’s heaven.

 

As I was lying there holding her hand, I kept thinking how much bigger it had gotten. How much bigger she had gotten. It got me thinking about time and how quickly it truly does pass and where I am now compared to where I was when she was a baby.

 

When we just had our first child, my husband and I were at a ski resort and I was sitting in the café with my daughter on my lap. She was about one and a half years old then, old enough to know she wanted to explore and not be on mommy’s lap! I met a woman there who made a comment I’ll never forget. She said ‘the days are endless but the years fly by.’

 

At that point, I could only focus on the ‘days are endless’ part because it was a lot of work. Actually, being a mom was (and is) the hardest work I’d ever done. But the second part of her sentence kind of took up a little space in my brain and just sat there, waiting for me to hear it.

 

I write erotic romance. I categorize it as Casual BDSM with a lot of spankings. I’ve been writing this genre for about seven, eight months now. I’ve written about my beginnings before and I don’t want to do that now. Instead, I want to talk about how this work has helped me not only find but also free my voice in real life.

 

I’ve known my husband for a long time, We’ve been married for ten years and dated for five before that. About two, three months ago, I got up enough courage to tell him what I wanted, truly. He’d read just a little of my writing by then and I’d always say ‘hey, just because I write it, doesn’t mean I want it.’ And every time those words would leave my mouth, I’d be kicking myself inside because heck, I did want it! Well, I got the courage to say it – finally. I told him in a very straightforward manner that I like BDSM play. I like being dominated. Submission turns me on…etc… That was hard. But what I did next was harder: I actually said the ‘s’ word. Out loud. No, more than that. I asked him to spank me.

 

Let me back up for a moment and tell you a little bit about him. I’ll call him B. B is a loving, kind man whom I still find sexy and on top of that, he’s an amazing dad. Why it took this many years for me to tell him what I told him was because it took me that long to figure out for myself that there’s nothing wrong with me for wanting that. I suppose in the months prior to this ‘coming out’, I came to terms with it myself. Maybe felt less shame.

 

A plague on that word…

 

That moment when I had the conversation with B was the moment I found – or more accurately, freed my voice. It was me speaking something from somewhere very private, very deep inside me. I turned 41 this year and between that and my writing, things were shifting. There’s a quote I like – I think it was Carl Sandburg but here it is: ‘Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let others spend it for you.’ I guess I was fed up of fear spending my damned coin!

 

All that said, coming out has been very powerful for me. It’s changed so many things. I find myself to be more open about this side of things to the point where I have to be careful what I say because I am not ready to let my neighbors or the parents of my kids’ friends know that I live a double life as Natasha Knight. But I am also no longer ashamed of my desires. My relationship with my husband has changed. It wasn’t bad to begin with. He’s always sort of known how to manage me or handle me. He’s always indulged me I suppose and although my revelation came as a surprise to him (I’m very good at keeping secrets) and it took him (and maybe is still taking him) time to wrap his brain around the idea, he also has made more than a singular effort. Hey, he even made me a flogger. Yep, home made. Sweet, huh?

 

I love the feeling I have toward him the days after a session. I feel so close and cherished? Is that the word? And I think he is finding something similar because there’s just a little, subtle layer of intimacy between us that wasn’t there before. Trust is an interesting thing. I mention above that submission is a turn on, and trust plays such a huge role in that – in this whole thing. The dominant partner must earn that submission and that can only be earned through trust.

 

Someone asked me once how long I thought I could keep writing erotic romance or if there wasn’t something else I wanted to write. At this moment, and especially when I look back over the years and how far I’ve come, I can’t imagine not writing it. I love it, I learn so much in the process of writing a story. Hey, it helped me free my voice and maybe it will help someone else do just that in their own life.

 

Thanks for having me here today Ana. This has been really a very good thing for me to write.

Natasha Knight’s blog

 

 

Throughout her life Gabrielle has wanted a strong man to take her in hand, and two years ago her growing need for something her husband could not provide led her to make a terrible mistake which ended her marriage. After his wife cheated on him years ago, Julian learned all about the pain caused by infidelity. When he sees that same crushing guilt in the eyes of a beautiful woman at the B&B where he is spending a quiet vacation, he is compelled to help her. Gabrielle is drawn to Julian from the moment she first sees him. His easy, direct manner forces her to face her guilt and when he suggests that she take the punishment she’s needed for so long, she can’t help but say yes. It soon becomes clear to them both, however, that it will take more than just a bare-bottom spanking to allow Gabrielle to finally let go of her guilt—she will have to be very thoroughly chastised. But to fully satiate her need, she longs to experience more than just punishment from Julian—she needs to be completely dominated by him, to be made to kneel and ask him to take her in any way he pleases, and to blush bright red with embarrassment even as she begs for more. But is it all just a fling, or will what began as a chance meeting change both their lives forever?

 

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24 thoughts on “Monday Morning Fika with Natasha Knight: The “S” word

  1. katherinedeane says:

    Oh my gosh, what a fantastic, intimate, emotional post! I LOVED IT!
    Thank you so much for sharing that with us.
    I feel a lot of the same things, and am so (I hope this doesn’t come across as condescending) proud of you for articulating these feelings and needs and desires to your hubby.
    It is very scary to be in sucha vulnerable position. Good for you!
    And pleeeeeeeeease keep writing your stories for a long time! I love your books!!
    🙂

    Like

  2. natashaknight says:

    Hehehe..Thank you Katie. And no it doesn’t sound condescending. I don’t post on my own blog all that often, but when I do write one that sort of open (I think this is open for me at least), I always feel good. Like I’m connecting.

    Like

    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      I was honestly surprised by Natasha’s post. I think I was imagining that she would write something more formal or distant. I don’t know why, but I did. I loved that she wrote as if we were chatting over coffee…the exact spirit of Fika. 🙂

      Like

      • natashaknight says:

        Funny you say that Ana. I’m curious why you thought that. Formal I can sort of see. OK, distant too to an extent I suppose (if I’m honest). You know, once I open up, there’s no closing that door, my friend…

        Like

        • Anastasia Vitsky says:

          I don’t mean that in a bad way. 🙂 I think it’s because many Fika guests do choose a professional tone over a personal one, so unless I know the person well I tend to expect that. Reading this post almost felt as if I were getting to tiptoe into your house and catch a glimpse of you with your husband and little one. 🙂

          Like

          • natashaknight says:

            Oh, that’s kind of nice, Ana. I like the idea of tiptoeing through someone’s house at a moment like this. It’s nice. 🙂

            Like

  3. Liv Honeywell says:

    I relate to all of this too. I well remember the first time I had a conversation with someone where I actually told them what I wanted. Oh my! I don’t think my face has ever been so hot. And now I’m at the point where with a new partner I tell them up front and actively look for a Dom. How things change :).

    Wonderful post as always, Natasha. It really does help to hear that others have felt what we feel 🙂

    Like

    • natashaknight says:

      I agree. I think that’s what I’ve found to be one of the best things about finding you all via the spanking fiction group on FB. To hear that you’re not alone and share such similar experiences is the best feeling. We’re all sort of the same or at least very similar and whether it’s learning from each other or just holding a hand, it’s wonderful.

      Like

      • Anastasia Vitsky says:

        I love your story, Liv! How neat that both you and Natasha (and so many others) have found a way to be authentic, free, and comfortable with who you are. I admit that I still think I’m weird now and then (but so do most people!), but finding other people here has been wonderful.

        And Natasha, what a lot of guts it took to ask for that first “S” word. 🙂

        Like

  4. Minelle says:

    This is a great post! It is so liberating to be honest with our desires. Maybe we take little steps or jump right in,but in the end we are so much happier!

    Ana keep quiet!

    Like

  5. Penelope says:

    Great piece, Natasha. Just beautiful – you convey so much in such an elegant way.

    I’m so happy you took a chance and were rewarded with an extra dimension to your relationship; I’m glad I’m one of those who has got to meet you through the miracle of the internet; I hope your journey just keeps getting better and better.

    Also, your writing is awesome.

    Like

  6. Viola says:

    Hi girls, I’m so sorry to be this late to the party!
    Natasha must be already sleeping with her kids tucked under her wings, what a beautiful image! Would you please deliver the message, Ana?
    I could not miss the chance to tell you Nat, you have earned yourself a fan here!
    Renee posted about your newest release and since I value her taste I followed the advice. Result: I read all your books in less than 48 hours, yep 😉
    I adore you settle this one in Tuscany. So romantic!
    Also, thanks for sharing such an intimate part of your life.
    As a wife who has still to find the courage to come out with my desire, it’s really helpful to hear others’ experience.
    I wish you luck with everything life will bring you.

    Ana, I hope everything is ok.
    Warm warm hugs

    Like

    • natashaknight says:

      Hi Viola, this its he first thing I’m reading this morning and I have this huge smile on my face now! Thank you! I’m glad you liked the books and I’m even more glad about meeting you here. I wish you all the best as you figure things out for yourself and my only advice is not to give up your desires or put them on the back burner because I don’t think they go away. Hey, if you’re on FB, friend me, will you? I’d love to talk some more.

      Like

  7. Ami says:

    Hello Natasha!

    Being honest about our desires can be one of the most difficult things we ever do. It’s hard enough to voice them in the first place, but to then expect the person to whom we have confided those desires to immediately fall in with every dream we have ever had, is a huge leap of faith. I love the way you refer to time as being a ‘coin’. Truly it is in our hands how we spend it, and yet that spending can often lead to such pleasurable extending of time, that we wonder why we held back in the first place.

    I’ve just downloaded three of your books and I can’t wait to get started.

    Thank you Ana for introducing me to Natasha and I look forward to seeing more of her writing in due course. Now, what is Minelle saying?!!! Hmmm…..

    Hugs

    Ami

    Like

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