Monday Morning Fika with Alice Dark: A former Catholic schoolgirl’s aphrodisiac

Today we have the irrepressible, mischievous, and oh-so-naughty Alice Dark! I’ve wanted to host Our Lady of F/F Badness for quite a while, but her pesky day job kept getting in the way. Can you imagine? Hmph! She was the first author of F/F spanking I met, and I’ve adored getting to know how that evil little mind works. (Case in point: her avatar includes a naughty–quite possibly poisoned–red apple.)

She has quite the treat for us today! We’ll get a peek at how she got started writing, and she’s even going to show you an excerpt from her newest release. All I can say is “Phew!” that she hasn’t written another Ana-gets-spanked story. A girl has to have some protection. 😉

Enjoy Fika today!

Good morning, my pets. If you’re reading this, it’s likely Monday, and I’m grumpy. I haven’t had my coffee, haven’t spanked anyone, and I’m at my day job.


In many ways, that’s why I’m a writer. I want to free myself from Monday mornings and the dreaded cubicle farm.


I’ve been a writer for as long as I have memory. I still remember my first unfinished novel – “The Energy Man” – scrawled in #2 pencil in my composition notebook. I was about 6 years old, and I got an F in English, because I couldn’t tell the difference between a noun and a verb. I could write up a storm; I have natural talent when it comes to stringing together words and thoughts. But to this day, I have issues picking out nouns, verbs and adverbs. God forbid you ask me to diagram a sentence.


Over the years, I moved on to different types of writing, and a string of unfinished novels lies in my wake. I’ve written horror, science fiction, fantasy and romance. I’ve dabbled in poetry, and had many angry young feminist poems published under a pseudonym.


But I don’t think I really came into my own, till I put it all aside and turned my pen to lesbian fiction – in particular, spanking fiction.


I’ll back up a little at this point. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic schools as a young lady. The nuns in those days had permission to paddle our backsides when we were bad. We got the ruler across the hand for simple misdeeds, like being late to class or talking back to a nun. A full-on paddling was the result of one of the greater sins: smoking, cutting class, cursing (especially saying the big GD! You could get caught saying fuck, and have a 50-50 chance of the ruler across your palm; but saying Goddamn was big ticket to a paddled ass!)


Sometime in my teenage years, I figured out that I liked girls better than boys. Yeah. That was a major sin in those days that I kept to myself till I got to college. And college was the real eyeopener. I breezed through a series of affairs with lipstick lesbians and college girls just wanting to “try things out.” It wasn’t till I met Sophia that I had (and still have!) a real relationship.


Throughout all of this time, I struggled with mainstream writing – the typical man and woman story – in some kind of fantastical world. I liked vampires, eschewed werewolves, and tried to get the fey to act right in my stories. I also put pen to some of the most vicious feminist poetry written. But I wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t getting published.


I’d always heard that you should write what you know; I was trying to write what I thought would sell.


Several years ago, I sat down and penned a short story about the spanking relationship that Sophia and I have. I don’t remember the story, and it’s long ago lost. But I posted the story to one of the spanking newsgroups – the old Usenet. For those who remember newsgroups, I believe it was The feedback was immediate! Lots of horny girls and boys across that little section of the Internet posted about how much they liked the story, and liked that it came from my own life.


See, Sophia was raised Catholic, too, and she’s no stranger to the paddle. We didn’t know one another as kids, but if you listen to us talk, you’d think we were raised together. Us Catholic kids of a certain generation have some stories to tell! (By the way: the boys got the cane. *giggle*)


In all my years of publishing, I’d never had much luck with publishers. At least not the ones who paid for my writing. I’ve had poetry published in respectable journals – but poetry doesn’t pay. So when I wrote down my first spanking story – Heather’s Caning & Humiliation – I published it through Smashwords. Part of the caning story is true, and it’s based on Sophia’s and my lives. Parts are made up – kind of as I envisioned it, if girls got the cane.


That was three years ago, and that book is still selling on Smashwords, Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Folks in the UK love caning stories, as long as you have a knack for the lingo. (For gosh sakes, you have to know what a “fanny” is, if you’re writing for the UK audience!) And after all the years of trying to get something published, I finally made a few dollars with my words.


I was hooked. Sure, I only made about 10 bucks that year, but it was a start! Sophia and I blew the money on a bottle of wine, and we celebrated. My next book was again based on our lives: The Caning of Misty Day. That book stepped further into dreams and wishes. Believe me, none of the nuns in my school were that pretty! (I think all of the pretty nuns are on TV, or in Mexico!) It’s been a long haul since then, and I still self-publish my books. I haven’t looked for an actual book publisher, ’cause I’m too impatient: I like to put my books out for my readers as soon as I’ve finished them.


Sophia and I have tried many of the things I write about: paddling, caning, OTK, figging. Yes, we’ve tried figging. Sophia likes the feel of the root, but it’s just so damn hard to carve! If I’m struggling with a sex scene, we give it a go in real life. I like to experiment, and so does my girlfriend. We’ll try almost anything, so long as it’s not too dangerous. And then I write about it.


That’s our aphrodisiac.


So there you have it. I write lesbian spanking fiction in hopes that one day I’ll be able to quit this damn day job and give up Monday mornings. And also, because it’s what I know, and I like it.


Diana Street is a no nonsense private detective who spanks her way through a high profile murder case, while making love to the women she meets along the way. Wayward females learn that Diana has little patience with those who break the rules; and men in need of an “attitude adjustment,” fall into step when Diana snaps her fingers. Along the way, Diana solves a murder and delivers sweet spankings to everyone who needs them. WARNING: Contains mature adult themes among multiple partners, BDSM, spanking, anal play and explicit sex. STRICTLY for adults ONLY. All sexual acts depicted are consensual and between adults aged 21 years and over.

Excerpt from Spanking Detective

A moment later, the door swung open. “Diana?”

Damn, Ruby looked good. Her thick, blond hair was loose and flowing, with big curls that caressed her shoulders in honey-gold waves. She had very little makeup on her clear skin – only the slightest hint to highlight her prominent cheekbones and eyes. To complement her natural beauty, Ruby wore an emerald-green, short-sleeve chiffon dress with an irregular hemline that was cut above her knees. I caught flashing glimpses of her long, beautiful legs. Flat, strappy sandals completed the effect.

Ruby was a knockout, and she was right on time.

“I like a woman who’s prompt.” Carefully, so as not to jostle my broken ribs, I leaned back in my chair and surveyed the beauty in front of me.

“We have an appointment,” Ruby said. “I didn’t want to be late.” And then she did the damnedest thing. Slowly, like a dancer, she spun in a tight circle. Once. Twice. Three times, and the chiffon dress flared out like a flower. “How do I look?” Her lips quirked in a smile, and she elbowed the door closed behind her.

I got up slowly and walked around the front of my desk. I leaned against it and cocked my head. Ignoring the lovely bait so beautifully presented, I got right to the point. “You owe me.”

In three short strides, Ruby covered the distance between the two of us. One hand encircled my waist, and the other gripped the back of my neck. She pulled my face close to hers. Our lips were a rush of lust and moans – a kiss that was a tangle of tongues and desire. As Ruby probed my mouth, she let go of my waist, and let her hand run up the outside of my corset. Her fingers closed on my breast, and she rubbed the soft flesh, pinching the nipple, already hard with my need for her. Our tongues slid along one another’s teeth, and I relished Ruby’s taste in my mouth. I couldn’t get enough of her. I felt like I could get lost in this moment. The two dead men were but fading memories, better buried and forgotten. All I cared I about was Ruby’s touch. Her taste. Her body arching into mine.

Ruby’s fingers wandered, and she let go of my neck and breast. She fumbled with the laces on my corset. It was a simple bow at the back that held the leather together, and Ruby quickly undid the stays. Groaning, I allowed the corset to slip down my body, then slither between us to the floor. Pain bloomed fresh in my ribs as Ruby pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn’t mind. Pain is my friend; it lets me know I’m alive.

Ruby pulled back a scant inch. Her breath was hot in my mouth. “I feel safe when I’m with you, Diana,” she said. She brushed my lips with hers. “If I fall, I think you’d catch me.”

For a not-lesbian, Ruby had adapted quickly to girl-on-girl love. I closed my teeth gently on her bottom lip and teased it with my tongue. Her blue eyes were wide open, and I felt myself falling into those depths. She wasn’t the only one who was feeling safe. I’m the kind of chick who can kick ass and shoot a man dead, but at that moment, I felt fragile in her arms. I closed my lips on hers again.

Links to Alice Dark on the Web

Web site

13 thoughts on “Monday Morning Fika with Alice Dark: A former Catholic schoolgirl’s aphrodisiac

  1. Cara Bristol says:

    This is one of my favorite FIkas so far. Anyone who writes spanking fiction “knows”you, Alice, but I loved getting to know you better — in your own words. It would be interesting to know exactly how many spanking fiction writers went to Catholic school. Seems to be a trend. LOL. You’re such a great writer, it’s hard to imagine you didn’t know your way around a noun or verb. Your writing flows so naturally. I expect you’ll achieve your goal of giving up Mondays soon. (I have given up Mondays, but the irony is, I get up even earlier, only now it’s because I want to).

    Thanks, Ana, for a great Fika.


  2. Celeste Jones says:

    I agree w/Cara. Lovely to get to know you a bit better Alice.

    I have a feeling (though I am not Catholic) that nuns and parochial education have inspired a few more bad behaviors than good.

    I love the story about the $10 bottle of wine. It’s amazing how busting your butt (so to speak) to earn a few dollars selling a book is so much more satisfying than earning many times as much money doing other things.

    I predict you’ll soon be giving up that day job, Alice!


  3. Sunny Girl says:

    Great interview Alice. I too went to Catholic school but the ruler only got used on the hands. There was this one nun who really slapped the hell out of the boys, she really believed in turning the other cheek.

    Thanks Ana


  4. Minelle says:

    Love the interview Alice! I went to Catholic school as well. I remember one incident where a teacher turned a student over her knee and the girl did a flip off her lap! I once was swatted for crumbling my homework up because I didn’t want to hand it in!


  5. Ami says:

    Golly, I hate to admit I, too, went to a convent! The nuns were vicious with the ruler and my knuckles are now suffering from the frequent attacks with it. No caning though, that was definitely for the boys at the school around the corner! Our underwear was weird though – bullet-proof stockings, suspender belts and navy blue school knickers! (Glad you understand our hang-up about “fanny”. It’s a conversation I had with Ana not so long ago. But you are much nicer in that you say “ass” instead of “arse”. LOL!

    Ten dollars for a bottle of wine seems expensive to me, living so near to France! I am determined to take my friends for a “spree” around a French supermarket if any of them get over here – Ana be warned! Especially as I am inclined to incur consequences!

    Loved your Monday FIKA Alice and thank you Ana for inviting her! Still can’t get over how many of us went to Catholic schools! Oh Er!




  6. bentalice says:

    I want to thank Ana for putting up with my tardiness and general BS when it came to writing this Fika. It takes me forever to get around to doing the extra things that I ought to be doing. The damn day job (yes, I’m there right now!) sucks out much of my life, and then when I get home, I frequently have to choose between spending quality time with Sophia and writing. Luckily, she puts up with my BS, too. 🙂

    I am surprised at the number of Catholics who’ve taken up writing about spanking! And Ami! I should have mentioned the uniform! (Just like the nuns, the uniforms are never as sexy as depicted on TV).

    Thank you all for reading, and thanks again to Ana for giving me the time and space to write about why I write. It’s so much fun!


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