The elf in the corner is not me! It’s Emily Tilton! She even said so her very own self. Ask her.
Last year I wrote a series of “naughty elf” Christmas stories inspired by an exchange with Emma Gardner. If you want the stories, go here:
I am now a reformed and law-abiding Head Elf, I promise you! Others, unfortunately, fail to believe me. (I sincerely hope Mrs. Claus spanks them and lets me watch.)
When I asked Minelle to create the artwork for this year’s Advent Calendar, she started chuckling as she drew a naughty elf in the corner. (For the record, I requested Mrs. Claus holding a wooden spoon. Period. No mention of naughty elves!)
Then Katie T (just to point out that this girl’s last name is TROUBLE, so I wouldn’t believe anything she says!), in creating the graphics for Minelle’s artwork online, concocted this far-fetched story that the polka dots in the letter “A” of “Ana’s Advent Calendar” somehow “proved” that I was the elf in the corner.
Luckily for truth, justice, and the American way, Emily stepped up and took ownership. She is the naughty elf! Yet over at Cat’s blog in response to this special meme I wrote for her, the antics grew ever worse. Not only did Cat end up implicating herself in naughtiness, but Ami Starsong let it slip that she owns a pair of “spotty knickers,” as she calls them.
So, because this is Ana and Ana loves a good laugh (don’t we all?) I asked Miss Naughty Ami if she would like to contribute a pair as a prize for the Advent Calendar. Neither of us has been able to say “knicker” or “spotty” with a straight face since then!
Part of the conversation in which Ami and I discussed today’s fun a month ago:
I’m laughing so much at this. Ami’s St. Knickerless prize? lol….
Minelle and Katie had WAY too much fun with that elf stuff. I’m going to post links to last year’s elf stories where Head Elf Ana did indeed get it from Mrs. Claus. I still say this one isn’t me, though. Sue agrees. She says if it were me, the bottom would be a lot redder. LOL who needs enemies with friends like these?
I can just hear your conversation with your husband:
“Honey, can I have seven pounds for a prize, plus postage?”
“Well, I want to send a pair of knickers.”
“Ami, no! Do you know what kind of sick people will come out of the woodwork if you offer that?”
“I don’t mean used ones. Clean ones. Brand new!”
“That’s supposed to make it better?”
“Oh, please let me. It’s for Ana’s Advent Calendar.”
“Why does she want knickers for that? I don’t think you should talk to that girl anymore. She sounds like an odd duck.”
“No, Dan, I swear, it’s not like that!”
Ami’s response to me a few days ago, after I’d threatened dire action if she didn’t tell him about her prize:
I finally told Dan about the knickerless prize this morning. You must be a secret fly on our wall! He reacted exactly as you predicted! One very high lifted eyebrow and then he said “Your soiled knickers!” I was horrified. I said “No, a new pair! When I find out the size and if the person is willing to let me have their address.”
He really does think I’m a nutcase! He is perfectly happy to pick a name out of a hat though!
Ami’s take on this whole nuttiness:
How did you come up with the name for St. Knickerless Day?
Well, I have this rather large collection of knickers… Then I thought of a play on St Nicholas (thought to be the real Santa Claus) and the word Knickerless came to mind. When I saw Minelle’s painting of the knickerless elf in the corner everything fell into place. I asked Ana, and she thought it could be a fun day. So there you are.
Why did you decide to donate a pair of knickers to Ana’s Advent Calendar?
Because I have several pairs of “spotty knickers”. It was hilarious because I emailed a picture of them to Ana and I was really worried the world could suddenly be presented with a picture of loads of my knickers! They are my comfortable everyday knickers that I buy from one of my favourite shops, but they are very pretty too!
No, seriously. What were you thinking?
I was/am serious! I love nice knickers. I love nice bras too. I am not Italian, but I like to think I took a lesson long ago, from Italian women. That is that they always wear amazing underwear regardless of age or shape or size. I have my everyday stuff, and then I have my “knock ’em dead” stuff that I buy at sale times because I can’t afford it at any other time. Even if Dan or my doctor are the only people who see my underwear, I feel better knowing it is nice underwear! And one always has to think about one’s grandmother’s advice “You could be knocked down by a bus – and then what would you do if your underwear wasn’t presentable!”
How did you explain this to your husband?
With difficulty. He has always thought me somewhat bonkers. Now he knows I am for sure. He is wondering who started all this in the first place. He says “Are they all like you?!”
NO! Good grief!
Are you expecting a barn burner and/or come to Jesus meetin’ for pulling this stunt?
Cat kindly explained to me what a barn burner was, and so I probably haven’t had one of those yet, although I may have come awfully close on several memorable occasions. After a while they all sort of blur together! I have no idea whatsoever what a “Come to Jesus Meetin'” is. Someone will have to explain that to me too. I come from a very sheltered background. Can’t you tell?
I think Dan will just wipe his brow and be completely resigned that his wife has found a whole gaggle of similar women. LOL! (And men too for that matter!)
What are your favorite shops for buying knickers?
My favourite shop for everyday knickers is “White Stuff”. So pretty. So comfortable. My favourite sexy knickers are by Janet Reger and also Tom Baker. Marks and Spencers have improved their underwear recently as well, but can’t always be relied upon to stock my size in a bra. LOL!
This is just a tad embarrassing. I would say over a hundred pairs of knickers at the last vague count. I have, however, thinned out my bra collection of late and will be sending a batch to Africa. (Do not laugh – we have big collection boxes in our towns and they have to be clean, nicely packaged, and then they are sent off!)
Do you ever buy knickers after drinking too much sloe gin?
What an insinuation! Moi! This is Ami Starsong you are talking about – the one who butter wouldn’t melt….!!!
Have you been dipping in the eggnog too early this year?
Not yet. But now Cat has given me a recipe, I plan to. In fact, we could be twins in a corner somewhere. Who knows?
What is the difference between spotty knickers and polka-dot panties?
Hmmmm…. Looked it up in the dictionary and spotty means “covered in spots”. I couldn’t find polka-dots anywhere. But I do know that polka means a “woman” in Polish. So that is quite weird as I am half Polish. A “dotty” woman? LOL!
What will you do if a man wins today’s prize?
My first inclination will be to laugh. Loudly. Then I will set to and seek out some “men’s spotty knickers”!
How will you explain your behavior to Mrs. Claus?
This is a tricky one. Do you think Mrs Claus is the sort who would listen to a naughty elf? I can see by your furrowed brow that you don’t. So I think I shall just have to blame my actions on this crowd of scoundrels who call themselves sister-elves. And then run like heck for the hills!
Who is the real elf in the corner?
As Katie says, if you look at the spots in the A for Ana, and then look at the knickers around that elf’s knees, there can only be one answer for it. (And I buried all my spotty knickers at midnight so you won’t be able to find them!)
What message would you like to give to the Advent Calendar players today?
I would like to ask them a few little questions concerning life at the North Pole. [Ana’s note: you can pick one or more of the questions; you don’t have to answer them all. Ami likes to be wordy!]
1 What do you think the North Pole is made out of, and why?
2 What is the other name for the Northern Lights, and what colour are they? What colour are they when you have been drinking too much egg nog?
3 Can you be relied on in a snowball fight?
4 When was the last time you made angels in the snow?
5 Mrs Claus has lots of wooden spoons – for cake-making, pudding mixing, a jam spoon etc. If you had to pick a spoon to be spanked with, which would you choose, and why?
(Ami is out this morning and will respond to comments in the afternoon.)