Do it for me: #Satspanks, #SnippetSunday, #SeductiveSnS, and #Wewriwa (Advent Calendar, Day 21)

Welcome to Saturday Spankings, Seductive Studs and Sirens, Snippet Sunday, and Weekend Writing Warriors!

Today’s offering comes from Simple Gifts, the prequel to “Complicated Gifts” in Love’s Reprise (links and blurbs below). Carene Moraghan and Leila Feran, childhood bunkmates from yearly summer music camp, have remained best friends even as their paths diverged–Carene to teach junior high orchestra in a small town, Leila to head the prestigious, world-renowned Philharmonic Symphony as concertmaster and principal first violinist. They keep in touch with letters, phone calls, and visits…at least until workaholic Leila cripples her wrist with her long hours of practice and performance. Confined to a splint and unable to work or even perform basic daily tasks, she moves in with Carene during her recovery period.

Never one to shirk from duty, Carene cares for Leila and enforces her one house rule: No divas allowed. None of the posturing that comes along with being a famous musician. No spoiled tantrums when she can’t get her own way. It takes more than one spanking to convince Leila that Carene means business, but finally Leila submits. In a symbolic gesture of her submission, Leila brings her beloved Stradivarius violin to Carene and asks her to prepare the instrument for use.

“Do it for me.”

No one except luthiers had touched Leila’s instrument before. The flamed reddish-brown glaze, the delicate wood, and the craftsmanship that had cost more than Carene’s down payment for her house were all Leila’s sacred territory. Wordlessly, Carene picked up the violin, careful not to soil the priceless finish with the oil from her fingers, and hooked the soft rubber gripper feet of the shoulder rest to the body of the violin. She tilted the shoulder pad. Next she set the violin back in its open case and took out Leila’s favorite bow, twisted the screw at the end to tighten the hair, and held the cake of dark green-black rosin in her hand. She unfastened the protective cloth around the rosin and slid cake up and down the fine white horsehair. She laid the prepared bow next to the violin, her eyes never having left Leila’s face.



Simple Gifts

Music.  Without the love of her life, how can Leila learn to live again?


Professional violinist Leila Feran is accustomed to fame as the youngest and first female concertmaster of the Philharmonic Symphony.  Driven to achieve ever-increasing heights, she injures her wrist so badly that she may no longer be able to play.  While she recovers, she moves in with her childhood best friend, a pianist and beloved orchestra teacher in a small town.

Carene welcomes Leila with open arms and only one condition: no divas allowed.  And if Leila can’t follow the house rules, she might find herself over Carene’s knee…or worse. In between arguments over physical therapy and house rules, Carene’s zero-tolerance policy regarding divas results in some old-fashioned discipline that changes into something more.


Will Leila and Carene’s new feelings for each other blossom into something wonderful? Or will Leila lose not just a friend, but her potential soul mate?


“Complicated Gifts” (short story sequel to Simple Gifts)

In this short story follow-up to Simple Gifts, Leila has recovered from surgery but faces a new dilemma: Go home to her symphony or stay with her love, Carene? She assumes Carene will jump at the chance to move to the big city, but Carene is surrounded by the small-town community that has nurtured her since her college graduation. Tempers fly and feelings get hurt on both sides until they each face their worst fears.

Does love mean getting your own way? Or does love mean making sacrifices for another? Carene and Leila must choose.

70 thoughts on “Do it for me: #Satspanks, #SnippetSunday, #SeductiveSnS, and #Wewriwa (Advent Calendar, Day 21)

  1. thelongbean says:

    What a great synopsis, makes me want to read more. Do they become lovers? Does Leila manage to recover to play again? Does Carene decide to expand her horizons?

    To sort of answer the question posed. IMO, of course, love that is to be fufilled by living together means making compromises of some sort, even if someone makes less than the other. The dominant may make less compromises than the submissive, but there is always some form of compromise (even if it is a little as allowing a little space of the submissive’s own).


  2. Erzabet Bishop says:

    I think it is a compromise. Love is a decision. You make it every day. Often it is doing what is best for your other half and sacrificing time or something else for that person. Love is washing underwear, holding back your hair when you are sick, going to get groceries when you just want to sleep after a hard day or making that pitcher of iced tea that he loves when you really need to get your butt back in your writing chair to meet those deadlines.

    I think about that great holiday story where the husband and wife each sacrifice something of importance to fulfill a holiday wish. Love…

    Happy Saturday.



    • Ria says:

      Hi Erzabeth, I agree with you. Love is a compromise. But it is also an exchange which both partners are willing to make. A one-way compromise will struggle to survive and would likely fail. This is a good analogy for Christmas. Many people compromise at this time, going to one family instead of another. A parent sacrificing to purchase food, clothing, toys for their loved ones. Children being taught to give to others.

      Thank you for the snippet, Ana and for another thought-provoking calendar day.


  3. Marybeth says:

    I think that love is a compromise. As Erzsbet said, love is a decision in and of itself. Each partner needs to look at the big picture and decide what needs to be done to make both their lives whole. These books sound interesting, and, Ana, what a wonderful description of preparing a violin. As a mother of three violinists, so accurate! I have read others where they don’t do their research, and, I think, it takes from the story. Another book(s) to add to my list of To Be Read.


  4. chickie says:

    Wow all that detail Ana! I never thought about how much went into that. True love is always about compromise and sacrifice on both sides. I can’t wait to read how this turns out. My reading list is getting big!


  5. pieclown says:

    Love is making sacrifices. I gave up looking for a job in my field outside of town, because I wanted to be near my son.
    Sacrifices are important. But being the doormat is not love. Knowing the difference it the key. I love my blind you to the true goings on.

    I prefer to have my eyesight clouded with pies.

    Nice snippet

    pie pie 4 now


  6. Tara Finnegan says:

    Oh my, the violin is more than symbolic of Leila’s submission, Carene’s tender handling also authenticates her worthiness as a safe pair of hands, not just for the Stradivarius but also for Leila.

    Wonderful imagery.

    What is love?

    Love is many things, sometimes love is that heady rush that is described so wonderfully in books and poems and songs, but much more often love is simply putting someones needs and desires at minimum on a level or often ahead of your own. It doesn’t have to be your lover either, it might be your friend, your child, your neighbour, or even giving time or money to a cause you believe in. Love is everywhere, it’s our responsibility to see and recognise it for what it truly is, and to grow in that love.


  7. Renee Meyer says:

    Enjoyed the snippet and can’t wait to read the books. There are many feelings and emotions of love but ultimately it is a choice. The choice of putting the needs of someone else above our own. As you said Ezrabet it is a decision that needs to be made consistently. Pieclown, I agree about not being a doormat. Love is not being walked on but walking beside someone else through this thing called life. It is also a two-way street. Have a great Saturday everyone.


  8. terpsichore says:

    So beautiful. To know an instrument well takes effort, learning, trust, confidence, sacrifice, care, passion, love, and hard work…but in the end there is beautiful music that fills your heart and soul. Isn’t that what love is too? Lovely. Thank-you. 🙂


  9. angel says:

    Missy teasing us is not nice so you have to go see Mrs C and we all have to go read cause you gave us just enough to make us Need more and there is no time for relaxing and reading it time for shopping baking cooking and running like a chicken with our heads cut off naughty head elf now we will all be reading lol …….J/k That looks really good will have to get the book to see what happens …….Angel


  10. Roz says:

    Wonderful snippet Ana. Such amazing detail and I agree with Tara, wonderful imagery of Leila’s submission and Carene’s loving care.

    Love is about compromises and making sacrifices for the benefit and enrichment of the relationship as a whole and/or to meet your partner’s needs.



  11. Katy Beth McKee says:

    Great snippet. And I think love means both getting your way and making sacrifices. It’s give and take. Because sometimes you sacrifice to give the other their way and then it goes back around.

    Wanted to make sure I had stopped by today. Off to work in a few minutes. Then I have to head to airport to pick up my son. And who knows what will happen after that.


  12. quiet sara says:

    Love the descriptiveness of the instrument though I myself am not musical at all. 🙂

    In love there may be compromises made by both parties, however one must not compromise ON love. You can’t force yourself to love someone you don’t and I
    don’t think you can force yourself to stop loving someone you truly love either. Our
    heart does make things complicated at times.

    Many times before I met SM I believed I was in love, but once I met him I knew
    the true definition. He moved Heaven and Earth to be with me too, saving every
    cent to marry me when his family rejected me and my own family was too poor to help
    much. He left all his friends because he realized they were on paths to destruction
    whereas we were on the path to marriage and a real future. Whatever compromises
    I have made for him are small comparatively since he was willing to sacrifice (compromise)
    everything just to be with me.

    I love that man, truly.

    Thanks for sharing your snippets Ana. They make me think so deeply and consider
    things I hadn’t thought of before.



    • Tara Finnegan says:

      Thanks for sharing that part of your life. So often we accept and offer sacrifice without thinking of the cost. It’s only when the cost is great that we truly appreciate it. Sometimes we need a reminder.
      My husband and I, although both Irish, grew up in different worlds, which led to external conflict. After 20 years together I tend to forget that as we have survived through a lot of tough times and thankfully so far have come out smiling and many of those issues have disappeared .over time.

      I hope in another 20 years you and I can meet here on Ana’s blog and we can both still have reason to be grateful.

      I hope you and SM have a wonderful Christmas together


  13. Michael says:

    WOW, Great synopsis, Ana. In just a few sentences you elicit emotions and draw people in. You make me not only want to learn more about Leila and Carene and what happens to the two women, but also more about violins and their care. And you expanded my vocabulary with a word – luthier. Hey, would that mean the word “spankthier” is one who cares for imps through tender applications of much needed spankings? I like it!
    Yeah, I know, one track mind. That is what Season says about me whenever I twist vanilla things into things spanko. Which is pretty much a daily occurrence. 😈


      • Michael says:

        Flowers – long stemmed roses can be stripped down and used as switches.

        Christmas ribbon can be used to bind a naughty imp over the back of a chair and leave her bum upper most as a very tempting target.

        Fluffy socks can be used to gag an imp when she gets too boisterous while being switched with the roses bound over the chair.

        Any other questions, JC?


          • Michael says:

            A bath towel can be used to fashion a spanking sling which is a sling made by tying each end of the towel to hooks attached to either side of a doorway thus suspending the bare bottom imp for an intense spanking. She swings forward with each spank so her momentum builds as she sways back into the spanker’s hand.

            A flat iron can be used in two ways. When cool it can be used as a short cane upon an imp’s bare bottom. Preferably when she is swaying in the spanking swing. If heated the iron can be used to straighten an imp’s pubes – very carefully as we don’t want to burn her in such a delicate area – to make it easy to shave her before her spanking. This adds embarrassment to her spanking as now everything will be on full display during her spanking and subsequent corner time.

            A necklace can also be used two ways in an imp’s punishment. It can be tied around both nipples and serve as a chain linking her breasts in bondage. Secondly, knots can be tied along its length and then be used as anal beads in an imp’s rosy rear. Yanked out at the peak of her spanking to push her over the edge.

            I apologize if this is a little strong for what is normally found on Ana’s blog. But we are all just playing and having some fun so I hope this is taken in that context. 🙂


              • Michael says:

                JC, having your eyes closed, especially with a silk blindfold, is another sexy way for an imp to enjoy her spanking. Depriving your sense of sight – even though when OTK you have a limited view especially when it comes to what’s going on back there – heightens your other senses. So the feeling of touch may be intensified and those medium spanks may feel ouchier, and hard spanks may light a fire that leaves you scorched and tingly in a good way. The sound of the spanks may reverberate as if an echo chamber, and bounce around assailing you as much as the hand warming your bare bottom.

                Now every time you see those items you will think of me. 😈

                Are you sure you don’t have anymore questions, JC?


          • Michael says:

            Yes, Marybeth, the thorns are removed. That’s what I meant by “stripping down the roses.” I would never use thorns on a girl or draw blood in any way. That is a HUGE no no for Season and me.


  14. Leah says:

    I love the idea of childhood friends staying close. No question that love is about making sacrifices for the other which works as long as you stay true to yourself. If love is truly right, those sacrifices don’t really seem like sacrifices after a while.

    Thanks for sharing the story.


  15. Joelle Casteel says:

    sighs, what a beautiful scene 🙂 makes me think of reading 😀 I know “Simple Gifts” is waiting for me to read, as well as “Lighting the Way,” which I could have sworn I’d bought, but it wasn’t on my Kindle so I fixed that.

    I still love the notion of how will Leila live without music. It makes me ponder what if something made it so I could no longer type and I had to use something like Dragon software to continue writing- that would be a scary thing for me. Of course in my wonderfully convoluted and tangential mind 😀 that leads me to thinking of adaptive living aids (been looking at them for my MIL) and i’m amazed how many things that have been made to ease the lives of people who only have one side of their body fully functioning


  16. JC says:

    ANA, Simple Gifts sounds like an amazing story. I love how you are able to capture everyone attention in just a few sentences.

    I believe that love has to involve sacrifice and compromise. How could it not?

    Wonderful job, Ana, I love participating in the Advent Calendar.


  17. Kelsey Summer says:

    I haven’t yet read Simple Gifts, but now I really want to. I’m a pianist and my daughter sings so we’re around musicians a lot. I’ve been in rooms with Divas who won’t let anyone within 10 feet of their instrument. It’s real. It happens. To let someone touch your instrument is to really let them into your lives. Great Snippet. I just told hubby Simple Gifts moves to the top of my Christmas list of books.


  18. Michelle B says:

    I’m not quite sure what today’s “task” is – are you asking us for help finishing the storyline OR do you want us to guess your already-written ending OR are you asking ushow we’d response in our own lives? 😛 I’ll go with my personal views and hope for the best *giggle*

    Does love mean getting your own way? Or does love mean making sacrifices for another?
    – I think there is always an element of sacrifice to be made by any amount of people in a committed relationship. The best partnerships are those where you each can get (most of) your own way with as little sacrifice as possible on both sides… but we all know that rarely happens! 😀

    I think this quote describes love the best, and I think it might be fitting for your story: “Love is caring for each other, even when you’re angry” –



  19. Holla Dean says:

    After reading your post, I want to read more. Like Michael, I want to know more about what happens.
    Love does mean compromising. But those compromises are given out of love. What I don’t agree with (and I know almost everyone will disagree with me) is that love is work; that one has to “work” to make a relationship successful. Maybe it’s just the way I look at it, but I work all day long and so does my husband. The last thing I want to do is come home to another job. My job isn’t to make my husband happy and his isn’t to make me happy. We make each other happy by being together. We got married because we love each other and are happier together. All the little things we do for each other because it brings a smile to their face are because we love seeing that smile. That’s not work. Perhaps it’s all just a play on words, but I’ve always felt that if you have to make a concentrated effort to work at a relationship, you’re in the wrong relationship.
    I could go on all day about things that shouldn’t be compromised for a relationship, but I have to go to work now.
    Yeah, I know, I’m warped and twisted. LOL


  20. JoanneBest says:

    What wonderful words to wake up to, love and music go hand in hand in my life. Looking back, every relationship I ever had was with a musician, maybe that’s partly why I wound up in my own band, I love music and I love to write so it seems like I was destined to live in that world.
    Ana, your description of Leila’s Stradivarius is so vivid I can see it so clearly, the fact that Leila asked Carene to “do it for me” is a huge thing, to trust her to even just hold her beloved violin says so much about the level of love and trust between them, it’s so beautiful and I thank you for sharing your gift of words with us, I will definitely be adding these books to my list { thinks of how much money I have left on my last gift card and decides exactly how it’s being spent today as I buy all your books knowing I have enough to buy other books from each and every one of you here who is published :D}
    An instrument can be so personal, I know some people who won’t allow anyone to touch their guitar, but a Stradivarius! Wow!
    Ah, love….what is love? To me there are many different kinds of love, the love between family and friends, love for music or reading, the love we feel for our pets, for the human race in general, but then there is love, loving someone who can become your entire world… maybe I’m just a dreamer but I believe that it’s possible to be “in love” with more than one person; or maybe I’m just trying to justify the mess in my head, either way, I still believe that it’s possible. I know that most people seem to be happy and fulfilled in their marriage/relationship, but in my own experience, I believed I met that one person who is everything I need to be happy, but having an alcoholic as a partner can make things difficult, and sometimes, as we grow older, we are not the same people we were when we chose the path we did, so it can become messy when you try to live up to promises made at the age of 20 then realize years too late that maybe you took the wrong path. I will always feel love for the hubby, but ‘in love’ and ‘love’ can be two different things…and when you find someone who makes you feel ‘in love’ but you’ve already taken vows to someone who has become a stranger to you, it just makes things harder in a way because you know in your heart you and your soul mate can’t do anything about it without causing pain to other people….sorry to once again whine about my pathetic life, but while I may not be able to be with my real other half, I can channel those feelings into my writing, and I feel Blessed to have at least that, and I can visit my fantasy land whenever I want.
    It’s funny in a way that you named your character Leila, because my situation is summed up perfectly in the song Layla by Eric Clapton, when he was writing about how he fell in love with George Harrison’s wife Patty (who Eric later married) “let’s make the best of the situation” sums my own situation up perfectly. And once again I say too much 😉
    See how magical your home is Ana? I feel comfortable enough to be real and honest with myself, and I’m finding that your Advent calendar is allowing me to learn more about myself than anything else ever did. I can’t thank you enough for that, you, your home here and everyone else that lives here have had a dramatic impact on my life, I consider you all the Best Gift I ever received, and as corny as I may sound, I truly feel love for each and every one of you ❤
    Now I shall put myself in the corner and cover my face with shame.


    • Marybeth says:

      Joanne, there is no need for the corner! No need for shame! You are doing the best you can in your situation.
      Now, a piece of advice. Sometimes we have to cause pain in our loved ones lives so they can move forward and live. Maybe you should explore leaving. You (and your friend) deserve to be happy too. Don’t let life pass you by as you settle for “love” instead of “in love”.
      Hope you have a great holiday!


      • JoanneBest says:

        Thank you Marybeth, for your understanding and your advice; I was ready to leave, move back in with my folks for a test run, to see if I could save anything from the commitment I made, it was all set up and then my brother’s wife threw him out and he moved into the room meant for me, two weeks later Hurricane Irene knocked down the house so they moved in with us, making it impossible for me to leave at that point; when the house was finally rebuilt my brother moved right back in until he wore out his welcome, the timing couldn’t have been worse because just as my brother finally found a place to move into, my Mom died. So now, as soon as the holidays are over, I will be living both here and with my Dad as his Alzheimer’s is getting worse and he’s going to need me more than ever. He’s 87 and as it is now I drive back and forth to take care of him and drive him to his doctor appointments and do his laundry etc; the point is I will be giving myself the time I need to really think clearly, and for once in my life, try to put myself first, or at least on my own list….my ‘friend’ is in the same situation and happens to live near my Dad…I don’t know what my future holds, but I’m determined to find the happy for myself and stop settling, I think I finally feel ready to allow myself to be happy, and in all honesty, coming here has become a turning point in my life; I love you all so much and thank you for giving me the strength and wisdom I need to do what needs to be done.
        And I wish you the best holiday ever! ❤


  21. P.T. Wyant says:

    Love is definitely a compromise — all human relationships are.

    BTW, I think I should get bonus points today. I stayed up all night (waiting to greet the Solstice sunrise) and baked cookies and made eggnog, and in the process I somehow managed to use every wooden spoon that I own, some of them multiple times.


  22. Janey says:

    I’m right back with Erzabet and the compromising. Yes on both sides, and yes something you need to do each day. Not always easy as that feeling you get when you fall in love and glide around with wings on your heels can never last. Bills have to be paid, work to be done etc. but I think that you need to put time aside to feed love. Time for each other.


  23. minellesbreath says:

    I was so caught up in the special moment as Carene reverently cares for Leila’s Stradivarius. For me it is as if time stood still for them. Yes *wink* I know I am a true romantic.

    What is love? Ahh… should it be sacrifice? Yes at times it will be a great sacrifice. Other times it should be accepting another’s sacrifice. Is love all about give and take…hard work? Maybe at times, but certainly not always. I do not think love should sap our spirit, make us desperately unhappy or leave us feeling that we are not ourselves. There will be times in any relationship where we have a choice to make. If we consider what is more important, “the relationship” or leaving the relationship our answer may be clearer. Often we feel a sigh of ‘rightness’ in a tough decision.

    Will Carene or Leila compromise?

    Who compromises in any relationship? I think what must be considered is ‘how important it is to each person. What happens to each person if both hold out? Someone must give.

    Gosh I want to read!


  24. Thianna D says:

    Love is one of the most dangerous words in the English language.

    I’m still not sure what it means. I’ve read about it, talked with people about it, even thought I was in ‘in love’ a time or two. My characters understand love far more than I ever will.

    Love gives someone the opportunity to hurt you more than anyone else. Love is the biggest high you can have. And if it is love with someone who is trustworthy, it is the most safe and secure you can feel.

    But if you grew up in a family where love did not exist…it is impossible to understand or to get a hold on.

    Love is a dream, a fairy tale. Good thing I believe in fairy tales 😉


  25. robskatie says:

    I too loved the beautiful description of the handling of the violin by Carene. 🙂 Such a rich and loving scene of trust and giving between these two women.
    I will look forward to reading more about them. Beautiful, Ana!!! 🙂

    I enjoyed learning some new things about the violin too. Now I know what luthiers are- and that there are two kinds for string instruments, with the bowed further subdivided. I know about rosin and that shoulder rests existed, but now know what the rests look like. It’s always nice to learn new things. And I agree with what people have said above, Ana. You research so well that your characters seem so real. Very cool stuff. Many hugs,

    ❤ Katie


  26. angieia says:

    You compromise or give and take in love. I learned when to pick my battles, especially with my kids. I love them dearly, but I don’t love everything they do. Leila trusted and loved Carene enough to let her touch her violin and Carene knew this was something important to Leila and took really good care of it. They both love and respect each other and you need both in a relationship.

    Thank you for another great snippet and more wisdom!


    • Marybeth says:

      Angieia, I understand how you feel with the kids. I tell mine that I will always love them, unconditionally. But, I don’t always like them. They understand the distinction.


  27. octoberwoman says:

    For love to include sacrifices, there must be sacrifices from both parties. If one person gives and one takes, how can love survive? In my experience anyway. With my ex husband all the compromising and sacrificing seemed to be on my part only, and I left that marriage hating someone I once thought I loved.

    In the end the biggest sacrifice was on his part. I have the kids and he does practically nothing and makes very little effort to sustain a relationship with them.


  28. Blondie says:

    Any relationship, whether a friend or a loved one takes compromise. Little thinks like how towels are folded or where to place a star or an angel on the top of the tree. I have quit a job and moved for my husband and I have no regrets now. I was not really happy about it then. For Carene and Leila, they need to try and handle this situation without feelings and just with facts. If they want to be together, they need to work it out by who would lose the most or who would benefit the most. Facts not feelings. There is enough feelings involved just with deciding that they love each other and want to make a commitment to one another.


  29. Kathryn R. Blake says:

    I definitely agree with the symbolism that Tara pointed out, in addition I love the way that Carenne’s eyes never leave Leila’s face. She recognizes the honor and responsibility inherent in Leila’s request and in return communicates back her acceptance.

    Lovely passage, Ana.


  30. TL says:

    Such a sweet story. This made me want to read and find out what happens to them. I hope they do work something out that will make them both happy. They seem very in love and lucky to have found each other.


  31. catrouble says:

    Beautiful synopsis Ana!

    IMO, love is a gift to give and to receive…period!

    Sometimes because of your love for someone, you will sacrifice and sometimes because of their love for you, they will sacrifice. Bottom line…if you really love someone, you will do what is in their best interest…which sometimes means not giving them their way. 😉

    Hugs and Blessings…Cat


  32. Terry says:

    Hi Ana
    I’m not sure if there was a question involved with today’s post or just thoughts in general. Love is so very difficult to define because it involves so many types of relationships. Some romance novels talk about soul mates and love at first sight. I do believe that these relationships are real but that doesn’t mean if you aren’t in a relationship like that it is not good enough and you need to move on. The two women in your story started off as childhood friends. If Leila hadn’t been injured and in need of Carene’s care would the deeper relationship your snippet hints at have happen?

    I believe we have more than one chance at finding someone to love so we shouldn’t force a situation if it doesn’t feel right for you. In my case, I had been in a marriage that didn’t work because my ex-husband didn’t really want to be married. It was very painful when it ended because I did love him and wanted it to work but also because I had so misread his commitment to me. I had to become happy with myself and trust in myself again to know I was ready to look for loving marriage a second time.


  33. DelFonte says:

    My flute is my precious. In fact all my instruments are treasured. I wanted to pick up the viola again after reading your little piece, it was so touching. Submission comes in many shapes and forms, trust is key to all.


  34. Sherilyn says:

    Loved this snippet, Ana! Your description brought the whole scene into such sharp focus. The love between them was so clear, as was Leila’s trust and Carene’s care. Must add these to my stack, which has sure grown since Dec. 1!

    As for the questions, no, of course love is not about getting your way. I think relationship is a dance. Sometimes you are the lead and sometimes your partner is. I don’t care for the word “sacrifice” when it comes to relationship, although it does seem to happen sometimes. Sacrifice implies that one gives something away without getting anything back. Relationships based in that rarely survive and are not terribly healthy in my experience. It’s hard not to resent someone when you sacrifice to be in relationship with him or her.

    Choosing to give something up to have something else, on the other hand, is not the same as sacrificing, to my way of thinking. When my husband and I began talking about getting married, he told me he would marry me provide I quit smoking. At that time, I had been smoking for almost 2/3 of my life. It seemed like it was part of what defined who I was. After a year of trying to quit, I considered whether I wanted smoking or a marriage. I chose the relationship. I went to a hypnotherapist and haven’t smoked since. We were married three months later. The day after Christmas, it will have been 21 years. Did I sacrifice smoking for the relationship? I have never thought so.

    Thank you for the snippet and the discussion, Ana!


  35. Irishey says:

    “Tempers fly and feelings get hurt on both sides until they each face their worst fears.”

    Fear often plays into love, and can affect it a great deal.

    “Does love mean getting your own way? Or does love mean making sacrifices for another?”

    Does love mean… Hmm. You can get your way, and you can make sacrifices for another in loving relationships. Should you get your way if your partner loves you? Perhaps. Should you make sacrifices for the person you love? Probably.

    Who should do which of these in your story? Can they both get their way, with perhaps lesser or different sacrifices? Love can be complicated.

    I’m interested to see how you resolved this dilemma, Ana.


  36. M. Palmer says:

    Thank you for the lovely introduction to Simple Gifts! Love certainly means having to compromise, not just with the big things (like whether or not to stay in a small town, or move to the big city) but also the little things, like what to have for dinner, or who will pick up the kids from practice. But whether big or small, compromise is the glue that binds us together, that makes us stronger as a couple.


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