(This Advent Calendar post is brought to you by helper elves Tara, Penny, Emily, Kathryn, and Kate.)
The Elf camp in North Pole, Ana’s World, Alternative Universe were very busy making sure all the behind the scenes work was done to make sure Santa sent you your prizes on time for Christmas.
Ana was a real slave driver, cracking the whip at every opportunity. The problem was that for some of us naughtier elves that just didn’t seem to work. The whip feels far too good when wielded with such a mixture of sternness and kindness. Added to that sometimes Ana was laughing at our antics too much to get in a really good swing. 😀
Feeling sorry for us yet? You should be.
But before you get too carried away with your sympathies spare a thought for poor Ana. You wouldn’t believe what she had to put up with.
Two of the elves were angels, no doubt about it.
Mighty Mistress Blake was a rock of sense. (Good job because some of us hadn’t a half an ounce of it between us) Every night she backed up the spreadsheets faithfully, totally essential as some of the naughtier elves did bad, bad things on it, and poor Ana’s heart was in her mouth at times as she saw the messing that was going on. And Mistress Blake could be relied upon to record the late night comments when most of us were in our beds making Z’s.
Kinky Toy Story Kate Richards never caused a moment’s trouble, working away quietly without a naughty moment.
Now let’s go to the rest of the elves.
Humph! Brats all three.
Let’s see what have we got?
OK for starters we have Squickgirl: also known as naughty elf Emily Tilton, her powers are that she can: Turn stomachs at 50 yards, turn readers on at the drop of a hat and turn your skirt up for a spanking faster than the eye can see. As the comments queen, every day she religiously put up a “clean comments thread” for logging the commenters. It became a game to see who would corrupt it first so she would have to start a new thread. In the end she gave it up for a lost cause and corrupted it before the rest of us got a chance. And boy, can Emily do corruption, in the best possible way (let’s not even talk about that naughty picture in the spreadsheet).
I think we seriously should award her a naughtiest elf award. Heck, she even nearly managed to corrupt head elf Ana. Failing the naughtiest elf award, she should be a serious contender for funnest elf prize. OMG you should have seen her in that role. Emily is a naughty girl who knows how to play when she should be studying but still manages to get the A+’s. The ultimate multitasker.
Next we had Polishing Penelope AKA Shinyelfgirl. Her super powers
Polishing Penny Shinygirl can make people say “Dawwwwww!” in a nanosecond as she runs Royal Hasler School for wayward girls who nead spanking, making sure this is a sparkling world, disciplining teachers who fail to make the grade. Her kindness and sweetness were a shining light even while her naughtiness raised a smile. A sucker for jelly tots and slides, Emily knew just how to make Penny sing with a trail of Jelly Tot’s right up to the top of the 100 foot slide, even though poor Penelope’s tummy lurched as she realised how far the drop. Shinypennyelf has a halo of sweetness that brought light to everyone. Ever sweet and mindful of her fellow elves, she should get a special award just for being Penny. A light in everyone’s lives.
But just in case you think “no one can be that perfect” here is a redeeming quote from her:
Ana… I have a confession to make. I went into the spreadsheet to add the new sign-up and I opened the chat window and I sang a silly song at Emily and it might have been rude and I sorry.
JINGLE BELLS, ANA SMELLS, TARA RAN AWAY The reindeer didn’t know where to look.
That’s as far as it got before it was realised Head Elf Ana was too busy to notice or punish for it, so the two naughty minxes in question started posting rhymes until Ana could take no more and came in with difficult words like orange and silver to silence them. Hah, head elf lost. You can rhyme almost anything if you really want to 😀 [Ana’s note: “orange” does NOT rhyme with “porridge” and “still-ver” is not a word! Neither is “derple,” no matter how much you want a rhyme with “purple.”]
Then there was Tawsewoman Tara: a twisted trollop who gives black eyes with a gesture of her forefinger. She rules over the spreadsheet with a punishment-strap reinforced with adamantine studs. She leathers the spreadsheet daily until it sobs up its faults and reduces the naughty elves to tears with a single exclamation “you feckin’ eejit!” In her silly self-righteousness she tried to hold everyone to account one minute, then ruined poor Emily’s comment threads for pure badness. One minute she was threatening a spanking then begging for one herself.
A late entry into the Elves: QuickDraw Michelle. She stepped up to the plate and took on a super seekrit projikt (To paraphrase shinypennyelf). A late entry maybe but definitely not a slow starter. What a great addition she was until she posted a terrible abomination on the elf page that I swear nearly blinded all of us. (Sorry Michelle, couldn’t resist the dig, I’m still traumatised.) Ana had to post an anecdote in the form of the cutest kitten ever to prevent total elf blindness. OK I jest, the abomination video was brilliantly humorous and had us in the fits of laughter. Within minutes it was like she was there forever.
Speaking of spankings, Damn those naughty elves spent hours begging Head Elf Ana for one.
Head Elf Ana also known as “All will be well Ana” her super powers are electronic hypnotism and unconditional love. Ana had many, many responsibilities throughout AC and I shudder to think how she managed them all in between meeting her writing deadlines. The last thing she needed was “brat elves” but even so she managed to get four out of six. (Ana’s note to self for next Advent Calendar will go something like this: October 1 : for the next 2 month’s scour all posts from potential elves. Any naughty girls should automatically be excluded, before they ruin me beyond repair. I’m a good girl. Why do I let them corrupt me?) If you had any idea how much we craved the loving touch on our tooshies! We counted her exclamation marks after our names to see who got the most virtual spanks. And if we felt neglected, we got more outrageous.
So for a few behind the scene antics…
Thread started by Ana who knows her naughty elves too well:
Ana: Naughty elves, don’t get excited by the “Yes, Yes, Yes in the winner sheet
Squickgirl Emily: It’s No, No, No that excites us!
And another one:
Ana: I’ve realised why this group is so much fun. I thought it would just be boring, dry spreadsheet announcements. We all *like* spreadsheets.
And also we’re all nutty.
Tawsewoman Tara replied: I like spread on sheets. Oops sorry I meant spreadsheets.
Ana: Tara!!!! – only four exclamations and therefore only four spanks, how disappointing. Sheesh what does a naughty elf have to do to get a good thrashing around here.
We nearly ruined Ana, honestly we did. Thankfully she collected herself later. We were all so caught up in spreadsheet formula that Ana posted some double entendre spread jokes;. I have to share
This first one is a real thread not a joke but it’s too good to ignore :
Ana: Now how do I delete this? Hm..
Penny Let’s all stare at it really hard and embarrass it into leaving.
Yeah, like that worked 😀
Then we have the jokes, spreadsheet and boring accountant silly stuff:
“It’s time I demonstrated double entry”
“That was an unauthorised entry!”
[Ana’s note: Also “internal audit.” Find more hilarity at the alternative accountant.]
And a mousepad image uploaded by the naughty/nice head elf herself, quoted such abominations as:
There were more but the brain went into overload, and I’m damned if I can remember them.
Then as we naughty elves were going totally nuts with frivolity, the posts came live and there were were some amazing comments from the wonderful AC players that could achieve a silence that dear Ana, despite her best efforts, couldn’t always achieve.
For Example: (not in any order )
Ria said: However, since I am perfect, was never sent to the corner, and switching is a very distant memory, life could not get better since I can walk on water :-0, I believe that there is no need for change in my life, (one of the wittiest comments of the season IMO, so much so that one elf who shall remain nameless said what a pity never to experience the joy of swimming)
Joanne Best gave us so many heart wrenching and candid comments that it’s impossible to pick one or two of hers to shine out from the generous glow in her heart.
Michael was something else, naughtily inappropriate at times but only and ever when it was appropriate to be inappropriate. By contrast he could be incredibly sensitive when that was the order of the day.
Paul, the man denied Christmas by circumstance, went out of his way to create Christmas for others.
Sassy at times sure was sassy but in the nicest possible way. We laughed out loud at her dismay when her wordpress image changed! Someone said “Penis” on Ana’s blog. 😀
I would truly love to quote all the comments that got posted on the elf group as they were so special but if I did that I’d miss the posting deadline. Just know you all made December really special for us, and sometimes the ghosts of Christmas Past are incredibly touching as seen so many times on Ana’s Advent Calendar.
We elves really want to thank you all for being totally amazing. Without you guys, there would be no Ana’s Advent Calendar and (scary thought) no elves. So Spanks to you all (ok so for some kisses – sheesh it’s hard to be a crowd pleaser!!) and may Santa bring you all your hearts desire in a peaceful and happy season.
So before you all log off for the holiday, to give us all a warm and fuzzy feeling, we would really love to know the comment that affected you most, something you will carry with you for a while. It can be any day or any post or as silly as you like. Just something that made you either stop and think, remember the past, or spit coffee over your keyboard in laughter. This is all of our opportunities to sum up Ana’s Advent Calendar and what it meant to us.
[Ana’s note: Now accepting applications for well-behaved, non-rhyming, non-corrupting helper elves for next year. Inquire within.]