Tuesdays with Ana: On complicated love and belated New Year’s resolutions

Saying good-bye to a beloved friend because of death after a long and fulfilled life is sad, but saying good-bye to people who are still alive but no longer able to remain in our lives is much harder.

It doesn’t get easier to see my friend’s empty pew spot in church and walk by after communion, remembering how her face would light up whenever she saw me. I’ve tried sitting on the other side of church so I won’t see her spot, but I always look anyway.

Today, as I say good-bye to people who are still alive but no longer part of my life, I wonder what is easier:

To have only positive, sweet memories with no chance of ever seeing that person again?

Or to have equal parts love and pain, hoping despite an intelligent functioning brain that should know better, simply because the person is not yet dead?

If I were my quilting granny friend, I think I’d find some way to still love, no matter what. How grateful I am to have been touched by her life, and how surprising–months later–to recognize how her loss has changed me.

This year, I resolve to spend more time with the people who offer uncomplicated love…and to give less of myself to those who don’t.

Just a few thoughts on this Tuesday.

Sending you all love, hugs, and a little well-deserved swat. 🙂

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18 thoughts on “Tuesdays with Ana: On complicated love and belated New Year’s resolutions

  1. Renee says:

    Everyone who touches our lives affects us one way or another. Sometimes the most difficult person to love is the one who changes us the most for the better. The most important thing is to love and to have loved. I think I would take some not so sweet memories to see a lost one again. Because even those more difficult memories shaped us into who we are today. Sorry you are still feeling the loss of your friend. Know that she is still alive in your memories and how she shaped your life in the time that she touched it. Blessings. R

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    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      That’s true. The people who frustrate me do change me. Sometimes in good ways and sometimes bad.

      And about negative memories…sometimes it’s the security, perhaps, of knowing that you can be angry or upset instead of things always staying positive. It’s real.

      Hugs.

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  2. SH says:

    Your quilting granny friend must have been such a wonderful woman and she really must have entered your life at such a perfect time, I am sorry you still hurt from her loss. She does sound like the type of woman, based on what you have shared, that is still cheering you on from above and I can understand why you miss her so.

    I, personally, don’t spend much of my time or energy with people who don’t appreciate it or don’t deserve it. Life is just too short. It may sound harsh but there are others in my life that return what I offer and appreciate me for who I am. I am who I am, I don’t live my life hoping people like me and I don’t change so people will, I wasn’t always this way but age and experience have changed me and I think, for the better. I am a good person, have family and friends that I love and that love me and I don’t do drama 🙂 Makes life much simpler 🙂

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  3. abby says:

    Hugs…..everyone who comes into our lives, is there for a reason. That does not mean we do nat times need to do some weeding….hugs
    PS…i sadly have not signed up for love spanks…going to be visiting grands at that time so reading time will be limited…but i do plan on doing some catch up reading when i return..
    hugs abby

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    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      For sure about reason and weeding. I think some people come as examples of what we should not be.

      We will miss you for Love Spanks, but of course you want grandbaby time. The good thing is that you can get the anthology (with extended versions)…for only 99 cents. What a deal, eh? 😀

      Hugs.

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  4. awesomesub says:

    Hi Ana, I am sorry that your feeling of loss is still that strong. I don’t have an answer to your question, which choice is easier to live with, sweet memories but no chance to meet again, or sweet and bitter memories and maybe a chance to see a loved one another time. When I think about the loved ones from my own family and friends we have lost I can only say that I couldn’t favour one choice, but both make me sad (today) because there are these days when the feeling is stronger that a loved one should be there but is not and will never return.

    What helps me then is to look at the good and beautiful memories I have about them. There was a connection and they have had an influence on us and I cherish these memories a lot. Well, I prefer the lovely memories, but the other ones are there too. And the loss of a loved one is part of these. Loss does change us, it hurts, but I also think that we do grow through it.
    I need a hug now and wish you some lovely …

    big hugs

    Nina

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    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      For me, what helps is being with people who remember her. I try to explain her to people who never knew her, and it’s difficult. She was wonderful, of course, but to know her…ah. I feel sad for new people coming into the church who will never know it as it was with her there. But there are new lives, too. As Bas said, it’s joy and grieve.

      Hugs to you and a gentle wish for happiness.

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  5. catrouble says:

    Hey Ana…it is sometimes hard to turn loose of people even though we know we should…think that is actually harder than saying goodbye to those who have left us through no choice of their own. Sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Hugs and Blessings…
    Cat

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  6. laurellasky says:

    Death is so hard to accept especially when it’s someone you love. It’s the memories that keep us going
    Ana my friend it’s the love you feel for others that make the parting so hard. In the stories you write the love is felt by all of us who read them. I’m sending prayers, thoughts and energy to give you strength to carry on.
    Big big hugs ☺️😘

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  7. Roz Harrison says:

    Hi Ana, I’m sorry you are still feeling the loss of your quilting granny friend so keenly. She had a huge impac on your life in a positive way and will always be with you, in your heart and your thoughts.

    I too believe people come into our lives for a reason. That is a very tough question you pose and difficult to answer.

    Hugs
    Roz

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