C is for Church


C is for Church

Yes, actual mainstream Christian churches, but a silly one as well. (Warning: little bit of politics ahead. I generally steer clear of politics and controversial topics, but today is an exception. We will return to your normally scheduled humor and thoughtfulness tomorrow.)

Church of the Wooden Spoon

What’s this about, you ask? A few things. I love wooden spoons. *points to my tagline* I like them for kinky reasons, but I also love to cook and bake. A wooden spoon is a kitchen tool I could not live without. In fact, when I am cooking or visiting at a friend’s house, I will go to the store and buy a wooden spoon if she doesn’t have one. Nothing else mixes cookie dough as well, and nothing else gives as much flexibility for use.

Recently, Indiana passed a law that legalizes discrimination against LGBT folks, and this was my response. Governor Pence has now signed a clarification saying that LGBT cannot be discriminated against with this bill, but you’ll forgive me for my skepticism.

If religious freedom includes the freedom to discriminate against others, I’m out. Or…wait! I’m not. I’m creating my own church, instead. I’ve seen a First Church of Cannabis asking for religious protection as well.

(Disclaimer: I am a mainstream Christian with sincere religious beliefs. So are many, if not most of the Church of the Wooden Spoon.)

What is the Church of the Wooden Spoon, you ask? Simply, it’s a way to laugh instead of cry. We do not attack anyone for sincere religious beliefs. Nor do we intend to belittle those who believe. Instead, the “church” serves two purposes.

  1. We do away with the dichotomy of Church vs. LGBT. Heterosexuality is the dominant sexuality represented within most mainstream religions. I personally respect those who sincerely believe that this is the only acceptable sexuality…as long as they do not advocate political, legal, and social discrimination against those who do not fit this “norm”.
    What’s the difference? Jesus loved sinners. Jesus forgave prostitutes and tax collectors before he forgave the smug Pharisees. We can have a sincere religious belief, even concern that someone is living what we consider to be a lifestyle contradictory to those religious beliefs, and still go about our day without calling down hell and damnation.As a Christian, one of my most sorrowful times is hearing other “Christians” disowning their children or publicly condemning their loved ones for coming out. Even if they believe sexuality is a choice, it’s also a choice to smoke, eat too much, and do drugs. How successful are weight-loss programs, and how helpful is it to shame those who struggle with their weight or addictions? Even if you believe being LGBT is a choice that needs to be corrected–which I do not–how do condemnation and shame help? 

    And yet, we do not shame religion. We do not shame the religious. Most of us are at least somewhat religious, if not devoutly religious.

  2. We point out, through humor, the hypocrisy of using religion as a basis for freedom to discriminate. It’s one thing to ask for special protection to drive a horse-drawn buggy on a public road. It’s quite another to say, “We want tax-exempt status while rejecting legal protections for others.”In all sincerity, why should one set of religious beliefs be prioritized over another? This hilarious spoof points out that Christianity was, at one time, the persecuted religion. (Warning: some of the language is NSFA.) Why not allow Christians to be fed to lions, as used to be the practice in ancient Rome?

A church, in my opinion, is a way for us to connect with others. To reach out, to form community, and to strengthen those connections. It’s a hollow victory if this connecting is based on disparaging and shaming others.

Lest you think the Church of the Wooden Spoons is all about heavy-handed serious talk, here is a link to Louisa Bacio’s hysterical commentary on liking big spoons and not being able to lie.

9 thoughts on “C is for Church

  1. Alyssa says:

    Very eloquently said, Miss Ana. If we could all start accepting and loving one another for who we are instead of the lives we live the world would def be a happier place. That’s why I joined your church. Spoof or not, I love what you stand for 🙂


  2. Strange Flesh Press says:

    It’s rather embarrassing these days to admit to being a Christian because of those who are more about religion than Jesus. They co-opt the name for their own use rather than conforming their lives to his and don’t understand the history, that mainstream churches are today a blend of Rome and Jerusalem with emphasis on Rome. So I tell people I love Jesus and leave the “Christian” out of it.


  3. taristhread says:

    Sadly there are churches that don’t seem to understand that the message of God (or since I can’t speak for God the message that I get from God) is about love, not hate and judgement. Those are churches that I wouldn’t attend anyway. They worship a God I don’t relate to, I don’t believe in. I grew up in an Amish town (I wasn’t Amish) with a highly Christian community, and consider myself a Christian. For me that means that I’m not perfect and I know it, and I try not to judge others (although admittedly there are times I fail). I try to love and find good in everyone, which a means I have to try to find good in those misguided souls who discriminate…but I don’t have to attend their church, so I won’t.


  4. awesomesub says:

    Hi Ana, I enjoyed your entry a lot, because it touches topics that are dear to me too. First of all, I like that with the ‘church’ you stand for a positive way of thinking. It is not aggressive and it is open for everybody willing to be tolerant. I love this.
    In addition, I believe tolerance and respect towards others are very closely connected too. And there is no sense in shaming anybody, ever. I believe that people doing that are plain mean and lack respect for human beings. This is something I also feel about the second point, discriminating others. Such a way of acting is outrageous and symbolizes so much unrighteousness that it makes me sad and feel helpless. It is something I know exists, can see working its evil, but cannot comprehend.

    To see what a church is for you, makes me actually nod. I am not much of a church goer (which is not meant to say anything about my spirituality), but I do agree so much with what church should be like, community and a way to connect, something positive. Sometimes it is not like that here. I know there are so many pastors here who are really awesome and work so hard for the people (no matter who) in need, but there are also some of the others here (as always).
    You are right, this is a serious topic, but such a good one too. Thank you for participating in this April challenge, there is a lot of food for thought in what you write and that is wonderful.




  5. laurellasky says:

    Awesome post. When the great Teacher Hillel (132 AD) was asked to tell everything about religion while standing on one leg, he replied, “do to others what you want yourself ” I may not have given the exact quote but it was basically The Golden Rule. That’s it, treat everyone as you would like to be treated.


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