Taliaschild, my upcoming release from Decadent Publishing and sequel to Taliasman, deals head-on with the question of death. Charisan, the white-ribboned potion that causes instant death, is forbidden by Queen Vina but concocted by Merda who calls herself queen.
Merda tells us, in Taliaschild, “Only by embracing death can we live life to its fullest.”
Some people have praised me for working in hospice. They say it’s brave, takes special people, or that they couldn’t do it.
For me, it’s not about being special or brave. I’d rather focus on things that really matter (people who really matter) and the real, pure essence of what it means to be a human being. I need this for myself, as much as it’s about helping others.
At the same time, today I drove home in tears. I chose this. I voluntarily put myself into the life of someone who will die sooner rather than later. Probably within a few months, if not sooner.
I am surprised at how much she has become part of my life, how much I can’t imagine my life without her…and I wonder whether I am crazy (more than usual).
Grief sucks. Death sucks. Loss sucks.
Why on earth would I deliberately add more of this to my life?
And then I remember stroking her forehead, kissing her cheek, and holding her hand. Telling her I love her and hearing her say she loves me, too.
As we get older, there are few (if any) joys without sadness. Love without loss. Happiness without grief.
Today I held the hand of a dying woman, and I asked myself why I would cause myself more pain.
Because she reminds me how to live.