The C Word, again

A few years ago, I wrote about my father’s first experience with cancer and how it caused me to stop writing fiction.

I wasn’t silly enough to think I had caused my father’s cancer by writing a story about cancer. Yet, wasn’t there something uncomfortably eerie, perhaps karmic? I had so happily, eagerly laid out this fictional woman’s fate and built up her life story only to kill her off in order to write the “real” story. I knew all of the lingo of cancer but none of the life.

Chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and all of the assorted paraphernalia associated with cancer became part of my everyday vocabulary.

I never wrote fiction again.

At least, not vanilla fiction. I wrote spanking stories, my way of pretending I wasn’t really writing, until the unexpected happened. I wrote my first vanilla story, or my first vanilla story since the C-word happened. (Hint: It’s now available as Living in Sin.)

My newest work in progress (WIP) contains no spanking. None. One playful tap on the hip, but nothing else. No spanking.
After a second occurrence, my father’s cancer is technically considered incurable. It may strike again tomorrow, in five years, fifteen, or twenty.
.
Well. It wasn’t tomorrow, and it wasn’t five years.
It was 497 days.
1 year, 4 months, and 9 days.
71 weeks.
11,928 hours. (Give or take)
715,680 minutes.
42,940,800 seconds. (Again, give or take)
.
There’s a lot of battle descriptions about cancer. Fighting it, beating it, surviving it, besting it, defeating it, eliminating it…
.
Right now, all I feel is tired.
The C word.
Again.
.
Advertisements

6 thoughts on “The C Word, again

  1. rozharrison says:

    Oh hon, I’m so very sorry to read this. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending you huge (((Hugs)))

    Roz

    Like

  2. JoanneBest says:

    Oh Ana, I don’t need to know the details to know the feeling… trying to keep this comment SFA is difficult when I’m talking about the C word, but I will do my best to respect you and not say the &%@#!*! words that I’d like to say… I will just say my thoughts are with you, I am praying for you and your family and hope everything gets better. You are loved and by extension, your family is loved as well. Stay strong if you can, rant, throw things, scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you feel better. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this, just remember how loved you are ❤

    Like

  3. catrouble says:

    Oh Ana…I am so sorry. Sending prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts. Am here if there is anything I can do to help.

    Hugs and blessings…Cat

    Like

Thank you so much for joining the discussion! Please play nicely or you may be asked to stand in the corner. ;)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s