Letting go of negativity: When De-Stuff My Life, Day 4

After a slight hiccup of sleep, downtime, and enjoying catching a breath, it’s been back to a whirlwind.

Unmentionable stuff’s gotten real. ๐Ÿ˜€

One thing I’ve learned from decluttering my life for the past four days: a messy home increases my stress level. I know this on an intellectual level, and yet every time I try to put off grown-up work until I have more time. The payoff for procrastination is great in the short term (especially when I’m running late), but the cost is higher and harder to recognize.

In diving back into “real” life, I’ve encountered some Oh My GOSH moments of pettiness, stupidity, self-defeating obstinance, entitlement, self-absorption, and outright nastiness. Childishness, if you will.

I’ve come home to the refuge of twinkling Christmas lights (Don’t judge…it’s not Epiphany yet! Oh, wait…), tidier rooms, and little moments of peace.

I might have endured a 14 hour day on not even 6 hours of sleep, and I might have dealt with a jaw-dropping incident of…let’s just say ICK…but I can snuggle under one of my favorite wraps, cuddle in my favorite flannel pajamas, and turn my mind to more pleasant things.

For one, my newly repaired violin waits for me in the corner of my living room. I’m desperate to give it a try, but I like anticipation. Sometimes I prefer anticipation for fear that reality will disappoint. I have thought about this moment for years, and I want it to be just right.

But also, as I’m sorting through a hectic beginning to a hectic week, I’ve thought about the unexpected negativity. Treating it appropriately is far more important that I’ve realized, just as physical clutter stresses me more than I know (until later).

When petty people make petty comments about petty events, the pettiness becomes contagious. It’s easy to stoop down to the level of malicious, busybody gossip. It’s even easier to allow the filth to contaminate our home and heart. We take it in, day after day, without cleaning up the residue.

I take out the trash several times a week, but do I take out the small-minded, hurtful, and ignorant comments I’ve encountered?

I scrub my sinks and counters with disinfectant, but do I spray-clean the corners of my heart that try to hold onto hurt conflict?

How about you? As you’ve worked hard to de-stuff your life (little by little or in huge steps), are you letting go of the pain inside your heart? It’s hard to do it all at once (if not impossible), but perhaps today we can start with one.

Just one.

I have a hurt I’d love to release into the sky like a helium balloon. I think mine is red, heart-shaped, and sounds a bit like a beginning violinist’s first squawk.

Fly away, little noisy hurt. Fly fast and free, away to a land where you can find peace.

And I’ll enjoy the light of my glimmering Christmas tree.

Are you ready to de-stuff your life, one hurt at a time?

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7 thoughts on “Letting go of negativity: When De-Stuff My Life, Day 4

  1. Natasha Knight says:

    Interesting post. I have learned something about myself – wait, no, I’ve known it for a long time, but I am facing it. I hide away in my home most days – granted I am a writer and that requires lots of alone time – but I do that in part because I am afraid of people. I am afraid of the negativity. Actually, it terrifies me because I am desperate not to let it seep into my life, into my person – into who I am.

    I feel like putting on a coat to go outside is almost like putting on armor. I find myself telling myself not to have eye contact and stop that silly smiling because 9 out of 10 don’t smile back, not here anyway, but I don’t want to be that. I want to be the one who keeps smiling, who keeps looking at people and seeing them, you know what I mean? Even if they can’t meet my gaze or shy away form a smile, I want to keep giving it and keep giving it but man, it’s hard sometimes, Anna, and out of the blue, someone totally hooks you and you (I) react and then look back and think WTF just happened? There are moments of ‘who amI?’ at times when I’ve reacted out of this fear of being hurt and many times, it feels as though no matter how much work you do on yourself, it takes one person, one smidgen of negativity, one act of thoughtlessness and it’s like I’ve done no work at all.

    But then I think of something strange and special. At a yoga retreat in 2007 I took a photo of a friend setting up her mat. It was a random shot, but behind her hung a poster which I hadn’t noticed until many years later and I try to remember it. It said ‘God circled the place you are right now because that is where he meant for you to be’. I have to keep remembering that and maybe think I’m meant to be here to cut into that negativity, that fear. Maybe he thinks I’m strong enough to do that – there are moments I doubt though! Anyhow, ramble over?? ๐Ÿ˜‰ I feel like this comment has turned into therapy…

    Negativity sucks but positivity is stronger and longer lasting. I think believing that is important.

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    • Anastasia Vitsky says:

      It writing a comment turned into something positive for you, then yay! I was dropping with sleep and not sure I was making my point coherently. It seemed so clear in my mind, but it was hard to express. I’m glad it came across for you.

      I find that ordinary people might be too busy and “Important” to be bothered, but people who will respond are those who wouldn’t usually expect to be engaged. That’s one reason I got involved in hospice. It’s also why I always ask to speak to supervisors/managers when someone (especially in a low-status job) provides good service. Always. It’s a bit of positivity, knowing that someone who worked hard will get recognition for it. I am sure your friendliness and interest in others will pay off eventually. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  2. rozharrison says:

    Hi Ana, I agree, interesting post and very good food for thought. I’m sorry you have had such a hectic start to the week and that you have had to deal with negativity, but I love how you bring a positive message out of the negatives. I will definitely ponder this more. Thank you for sharing this.

    Hugs
    Roz

    Like

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