Today, Governing Ana welcomes Breanna Hayse for Fika. She lives and writes about ageplay, a topic that some love while others find disturbing. Even if ageplay isn’t your cup of tea, I ask that you keep an open mind while reading her article. There are many perspectives on ageplay, and this is only one.
Come back tomorrow for the inauguration of a new feature, “Tuesdays With Ana”. First post titled “Everything I need to know I learned writing spanking stories”.
When people hear the term age play, more often than not, the first image that comes to mind is either a a mentally regressed, oversized adult sitting in diapers or, sadly, pedophilia. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with either real life children or the mentally challenged. I cannot emphasize that enough. These perceptions have developed due to both ignorance and prejudice, and I truly hope to dispel any misconceptions that many people may adhere to.
First, allow me to preface by stating that, among consensual adults, there is no right or wrong. What may be great for one couple, may be completely abhorrent to another, but that is where we must allow ourselves to view this genre with an open mind and acceptance. AP allows expression to all ages, genders, body types and education levels. No couple is alike. Like child rearing, AP had multiple ways to address, explore and practice… and it is dependent upon the individuals involved. I also wish to invite anyone with questions, comments or reflections to feel free to contact me at any time. Together, we can open the doors for more people within the D&S community to explore their fantasies and desires without fear, shame or ignorance.
As most of my readers know, I have been actively involved in DS for many years, and that I am happily married and engaged in a full time DS relationship with my husband, John. We do not practice AP on a 24/7 basis, rather it is a special time that we set aside for ourselves at least a couple of times a week…. depending on my work schedule. We have found that entering this mode on particularly stressful times helps my focus, mood and behavior.
That brings up the first question… must AP be a permanent arrangement? No. Just like DS, the couples or families decide what works best for them. Many people enjoy attending spanking parties and play times… but do not practice the lifestyle within the home. Others, myself included, are continuously involved in the relationship. Again, it is dependent upon the couple and their own personal needs. I will say this much though… I bow to those couples who commit to the 24/7 AP… especially the Big/adult. It is an awful lot of work!
Ahhh, we progress to the second question… what are the roles? Obviously, we have the adult.. also called the Big. He or she may take on the responsibility of daddy/mommy, uncle/aunt, guardian, teacher, etc…. any adult role of authority. There are many ‘families’ that extend into the play as well, and some communities even engage. Again, we cannot and do not judge… as all of us have different needs and desires. It is no more (if I might use the term set by a negative reviewer) creepy than those people involved in large biological families or live in communes.
Littles, or adult children, are those who submit themselves into the authority of the Bigs. The ages are determined by the needs of the couple, and the consent and time constraints. For example, anyone who has has a baby knows that constant supervision is needed, and that all of the infants needs are fully dependent upon the adult. There are no expectations placed other than to nurture. This is a full time job for the Big, including caring for the Littles every need, entertaining and supervising. For the Little, all privileges are suspended, including being able to care for their own bodily functions. It is absolute release of control… In every aspect…
I’m a control freak, so needless to say, I would have a real hard time there!
When we AP, I tend to take on the age of about six. Old enough to care for my basic needs, yet free from any responsibilities except what Daddy asks of me. Reasonably, I am not learning to read, but I do color and play with age appropriate toys. It is enough regression to allow me the freedom to release my stress of my job and the responsibilities that are associated with it, plus allows John to tend to me in the way he feels is most beneficial. Just remember, the older the Little, the different the Big’s demands.
I’m seeing now that I should really expand this article into a book…. lol!
Sex. Ahh, the most uncomfortable subject when it comes to AP. NO! The Big is NOT fantasizing about having sex with a child! No, no, no…. AP, or regression, simply allows the Little to go back to an easier time and relinquish themselves to an authority. Rarely, and I’m not saying all, do couple engage in sexual activity in the AP role. The Little is promoted to big girl/big boy status and reenters their adult state for adult activities. John had a real issue for a while, switching back and forth between Daddy and husband… we had to physically disengage from AP for at least an hour for him, and me, to resume our regular, adult place. Other couples can slide right into the change. Again, it’s personal preference.
I’ve already addressed why some people would explore this side of D&S, but what of other reasons beyond stress relief? It can be very therapeutic if handled correctly, but also as easily destructive. Because of the vulnerability the Little has to allow, clear boundaries need to be set in the beginning and, in the beginning (particularly if there is a chance of striking some emotionally sensitive areas, i.e. an abusive childhood issue), I do suggest the use of either a safe word or what we call, an alert. These can been disposed of once the relationship is fully established with the degree of trust required. Bigs… don’t disregard your Littles if there is a history of abuse or neglect. They are depending on you to help them heal and give them the love and acceptance required to move forward. LIttles… this can be a scary time for you… you need to be able to trust your Big to take care of you. Communication is everything!
Discipline. Alright, i would venture to say that the majority of us are into, and practice, the discipline of spanking. Again, the schools of thought regarding the discipline of real children are different… but we are not dealing with children here. We are dealing with consensual adults who are involved, or are exploring, this lifestyle. The big difference here is that the discipline will be more severe than if delivered to a child. For example, if the Little is required to stand in the corner… he/she might be there for an hour while a child might be for ten minutes. An adult can be spanked severely, with different implements, bare-bottomed…. amongst other methods. John says that the only difference between Little Discipline and Sub discipline is the degree of humiliation, severity and restraint. While as Little Bree, I might earn myself a switching to my bare bottom. I remain fully clothed and usually OTK, and am allowed to kick and squirm. As the adult Breanna, I might receive the same switching naked, tied over a bench and plugged. See the difference? And yes, I DO avoid switchings! Oh, FYI, Nikki does not receive the same type of ‘adult’ discipline I do…just in case you were wondering. SHE gets to get her clothes on, and never undergoes any type of anal discipline.
Community involvement. In the Game Plan, Lost and Found, and Guardian Domination, I included familial involvement in the AP/training. For me, having multiple disciplinarians works to keep me on my toes, however, I am monogamous in my ‘adult’ relationship. Other people prefer to keep their AP private. Again, the amount of outside involvement is dependent on the needs of those involved, and is neither right nor wrong, ‘creepy’, ‘gross’, or ‘weird’. I find it interesting how some people will attend spanking parties where they, or their partners, are spanked by strangers, but then are uncomfortable with the idea of having a D&S family. Remember, my friends, we are in a very small community and need to support one another as best as possible. It’s hard enough that the vanilla world doesn’t understand/accept us… we don’t need the same from each other, right?
So… how does one start? By honestly communicating our needs, which begins by an open, clear view of ourself. If we fear our dark or hidden desires, then we cheat ourselves of discovery. Like I tell my ‘plankton’ (I’m the Jumbo Shrimp/alpha sub and my peeps are those who train under me), we can’t achieve our goals until we accept our needs.
In finale, I will share with you a typical day of age-play for me. Let’s assume I’ve had a tough week, and come home grumpy…..
John (Daddy) greets me at the door. Before I can say anything, he already knows what I need. He’s heard it in my voice when I called him to tell him I was on my way home. He’s prepared, also knowing I’m a bit cranky and might need some persuasion. Yes, he knows me well. He takes my bags from me and, after a kiss on the cheek, leads me into the bathroom where he has my big tub filled sky high with bubbles! I love bubbles… they immediately put me into a regressed frame of mind. He undresses me and helps me into the tub. After handing me my soap crayons (I like to draw naughty pictures on the wall), he leaves to get me a mug of hot cocoa. Not coffee…. little girls don’t drink coffee.
When he returns, he washes my hair. Slowly and calmly, massaging away the stress from my night. He then scrubs my body with my pink sponge thingy, using berry scented soap. The scent puts me into the childlike mode, compared to my regular vanilla and sandalwood mix. He lets me play in the bubbles for a while longer and sits with me, asking question about my goals for my day off. I notice he wasn’t talking about that day… that was already planned. I was going to be Little and expected to simply mind him. I also knew that, in my present mood, it would be a chore.
I have to admit, the warm bath, hair washing and hot cocoa, combined with working the entire night, left me exhausted. Daddy sees me yawn and announces it’s time to get out of the tub. It’s cold in the room and I don’t want to leave the warm, soothing bubbles. A frown and one finger held in the air is enough to make me obey. I’m too tired and too cranky to invite a spanking this early in the game!!
I can’t help but giggle as he holds out my bunny onsies! Oh yeah, not joking here. Pink with a bunny tail of the open flap, and little bunny faces on the feet. He found these silly things at Target! I let him dress me and then settle between his knees for him to comb out and blow dry my hair. It’s really long and Daddy isn’t that good at braiding, but I don’t care. I’m falling asleep on his shoulder. I barely remember him tucking me into bed, and stuffing Squishy (my killer whale pillow pet) under my arm. He also leaves me a water bottle with one of those sippy tops on it in case I get thirsty. The last thing I remember is him rubbing my back and my bottom before I drift off the sleep.
Because its my day off, he only allows me to sleep about four hours and then wakes me… usually with a kiss and then some tickling. I’m not ready to get up and am a bit grumpy. He pulls me out of bed and drags me into the bathroom to go potty and brush my teeth, promising a whole plethora of fun things to do if I behave myself. I don’t care, i am sleepy and wanna to back to bed. It’s time for breakfast and, I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit more awake after I eat… as long as he doesn’t force me to eat oatmeal. I hate oatmeal. Oh good! Booberry Pancakes!
I’m usually allowed to watch cartoons. or Disney, while eating my breakfast. As long as I finish it, that is. After I’m done, i have to put my plate in the sink and then get dressed. I don’t wanna. I like being in my jamies. Thats when things start to turn bad for me… I’m allowed one warning before I find myself over his lap and being spanked. Daddy will drop the flap of my onsies and let loose with his hand on my bare bottom. I never take it quietly… heck no, I shriek, yell, kick, twist… anything to make it stop. It’s still too early for me and I am not in the mood. Daddy stops spanking me when I agree to cooperate, and that my words sound convincing. He knows me too well.
After I pout a little, I get dressed in whatever he has laid out for me. Since it’s cold out, I have my pink sweats and Tinkerbell sweatsuit that he bought for me at Disney. He lets me wear my fuzzy angry bird slippers and then sits me at the table to color while he changes the strings on his guitar (he’s a professional musician). If I stay quiet, he joins me and we spend some time coloring together. He’s really competitive too! It always makes me giggle to see him enjoying the coloring as much as I do (by the way folks, we are designing an adult coloring book based on D&S themes… so watch my blog for the coloring contest!)
The day continues… we play games, watch TV, go exploring outside if it’s nice, play ball with the dogs and the goose…..maybe even have a picnic if it’s warm enough. I’m not allowed to wander off… his constant supervision is required when we are outside. He worries about snakes biting or aliens capturing me in their spaceships. If my mood improves, I do grab this time to be a brat. Daddy does NOT like earthworms in his hair, but I think it’s funny.
If my sister is around, she will join us and play barbies with me, or color. Daddy has to supervise our game playing though, because she hates to lose, and I am a terrible cheater. That never fares well for either of us. Even though I’m older, she naturally regresses as the younger sibling and acts up more than usual. Yeah, it typically ends up with her getting spanked by Daddy while I laugh at her.
By bed time, I’m exhausted, but at peace. I had a whole day of being free from responsibility and chaos, was lovingly cared for and directed, and only had to worry about following Daddy’s rule. Which, I hate to admit, but even in my adult state, I don’t do as I should!
Hey, I never said I was the world’s best sub, but I am John’s favorite little girl!
Learn more about Breanna Hayse at her website.